Dane, The Mighty Wrestler

This weekend is Dane's last regular season wrestling meet before Sub-Regionals. Due to the loss of a schoolmate this week, which I posted previously, all the basketball teams have cancelled practice for the last three days and have cancelled their games through the end of this week. Unfortunately, the wrestlers have had to push through it as wrestling tournaments with multiple schools, particularly this late in the season, just can't be by-passed with Subs the following week. On the other hand, these student athletes are used to being very busy and I think there is comfort in following the "normal routine" to whatever extent is possible.

In any case, I'm posting a video of Dane from last week's meet. He medalled 4th, with all of the 1st-3rd place finishers being Seniors and qualifiers for last year's State Championship. The 1st place finisher was a teammate of Dane's, and the reigning State Champion. WAY TO GO, DANE!!!

I'm also going to post some photos in the next few days and, as you can see, Dane is tall and thin for his weight class. I always thought it was a myth that wrestlers were short and bulky. I was wrong--its true!! I ride Dane constantly about, rather than trying to wrestle "lean and mean", he would be better to bump up in to the 170-180 pound range and be "buff." So far......my strategy is falling on deaf ears. (What do Moms know anyway, right?) In any case, his bottom weight from calibration was set at 148 pounds, so he's as low as he can go now without having to worry that he'll be under his limit. To whomever the person(s) was/were that came up with the legislation to require calibration, weight-loss limits, and hydration requirements........Bless your heart(s)!!! My son would have been one of those that would have been 5 foot 9 inches and an emaciated 130 pounds. He's scrawny enough at 152! (I wish I had half his self-control regarding what goes in my mouth.) My next concern? That he and Grant will at some point have to wrestle each other in competition. Think the referees would humor a parent and declare a tie? UGH!

Enjoy the video! We're proud of you Dane!!!

Gone too soon!

Max lost his fight for life yesterday, and an entire community is grieving. Today, I found this photo of Dane blocking for Max in a Junior High football game two years ago.

Please take time today to tell your children that no problem is too big to work through. Not drugs.......not pregnancy.......not crime......nothing is worth this! We don't know what caused Max to make this horrible decision, but there is no one to blame but Max. It was a cruel decision he made that will torment his family forever.

Max......You were a good son, big brother, and friend. We will never forget you and your silly smile. I wish your family peace, and am angry that have caused so much hurt. You are so very loved.

Where everybody knows your name.....

There is nothing like a tragedy in a small town to bring a community to their knees. Last night, this small town indeed suffered a horrific tragedy that still has yet to have the final chapter written. A tremendous young man, full of promise and with a great future, suffered a gunshot wound to the head. With no speculation intended and prolific apologies if I'm wrong, it appears from all reports to have been self-inflicted. This young man is a freshman at RHS, "sandwiched" by my sophomore and 8th grader, and was coached by Mike in football this past fall. His Mom is a personal long-time friend of mine, and I have spent the last 12+ hours in disbelief. The entire town has been shaken to its core by this one. Max is currently at Harborview in Seattle, clinging to life, while his Dad hurries in from a fishing boat in the Bering Sea , and the rest of the family just sits and waits for the decisions to come. This family doesn't fit the profile that we've all come to expect with these situations. Four brash and energetic boys(Max is the oldest)......a stay-at-home Mom.......a successful Dad that works a large commercial fishing boat......a huge and beautiful home..........For pete's sake, they even took in an "extra" this past fall, no questions asked, when a local boy needed a safe and warm place to stay. Mom joked with me one day that she bought him a new package of underwear because his were coming through her dirty laundry in tatters, and that was the end of that--she now had FIVE boys.

With Jennica's VEEG at Mary Bridge, Dane's wrestling matches, Tiersten's new first grade teacher, Grant's basketball games, and work, I have spent the last three weeks running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Today, I am humbled beyond belief and reminded to SLOW DOWN. My priorities have been re-arranged in an instant and if someone doesn't like it, OH WELL!!!

To Jody, Tate, Elliott, Cooper, Carson....and Max.......we love you all! May peace be with you through the coming hours and days.

So much for my new career...

SHUCKS!!! Click on the link below:

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/80880152.html

Purple-icious!!!

Yes........my blog has turned purple. Today has been a very dreary January day in Western Washington. I stepped in dog poop at a house because there was nowhere to step in the yard that wasn't covered in dog poop. In the rain. And then I about blew off the deck of an ocean front house while trying to measure the exterior. It was just sort of a cruddy, dreary day.

Which made me long for Spring. So........I updated the blog to more spring-type colors. Love it or hate it? I haven't decided. But at least its brighter than dog poop. :)

So.......2010, huh?

Grant is watching TV across the room from where I'm typing this. Just as I was entering the title, the TV announcer said something along the lines of, ".....missed the grab there. I think that shows his lack of confidence......" WHAT THE HECK???!!!??? Of course, my "mom brain" immediately looked up over the top of the computer screen to see precisely WHAT Grant was watching on TV??!!?? Extreme skiing. Seriously.

I think that sums up my feeling of the last few weeks since I last blogged. Reacting. Behind the motion. Like most of you out there, the holidays were a whirlwind. But this year, they almost felt like they were over before they began. Tree goes in........tree goes out........ugh. I have my perpetual "to do" list still on my desk, and far too many of the items haven't changed in the last 60 days, which means they're not being accomplished. Hmph.

This year, with the start of the new year, the younger members of our family are going to experience some transition. Grant is moving from wrestling season to basketball. Tiersten will have a new first grade teacher, following the unexpected death of her teacher a few weeks before Christmas. And, at the recommendation of her occupational therapist, Jennica is going to take a 4-5 month "break" from her weekly private OT appointment. Grant will be fine.......but it means more evening commitments for us, as the basketball game schedule is heavier than the wrestling meet schedule. We have no word yet on who Tiersten's teacher will be, and I admit to being worried as to the possibilities. There aren't usually a lot of teachers looking for jobs in December, and the school is going to have a difficult set of shoes to fill. As for Jennica.....we've done a solid 13 months of OT, and Renae feels she is ready for a break. I was resistant to the whole idea in the beginning, but Renae gave us a few weeks to think it over, and I can see the validity of the points she made. So......we're not going to be making the weekly drive to Olympia for a little while. (Can't say I will miss that 3 hours on the road.) And, as Renae reminds us constantly, she is never more than a phone call or email away.

And then, in mid-January, Jen will be admitted to Mary Bridge Children's Hospital and "plugged in" for 48 hours straight for a high-intensity VEEG. Her previous sleep-deprivation EEG was normal, her sleep studies were just slightly outside the ranges of normal.......so her neurologist wants the longer EEG before he officially stamps her as "seizure-free." The seizure-free diagnosis would be great......and would be a further confirmation that her only diagnosis is Sensory Processing Disorder. Another part of me feels that, while very worth it, its a heckuva long road to a result of "normal" electrical brain activity. We'll see how I feel after the 2 days in purgatory. And then again, I feel like such a whiner when I think about people who spend months there with terminally-ill children. There is always always ALWAYS someone that has it so much worse than we do......I try to always remember that.

Dane left on a bus this morning at 6:00 a.m., bound for the never-ending Saturday wrestling meet. Today, he is 90 minutes to the north. He started the season in the 160-pound bracket......which is one of the toughest. Young men in the "little guy" brackets are......well.....little. Big men in the "big guy" brackets are sometimes chubby and unfit. But the middle brackets are always heavily stacked with athletic brutes that thrive on turning their opponents into human pretzels. So.......Dane has spent some more time than he would prefer as the pretzel. Dane occasionally threatens to drop a weight class in search of weaker opponents, but by state rules, each wrestler has a weigh-in/calibration at the beginning of the season with a specifically-qualified medical person, and Dane's bottom weight limit was set at 148 pounds (THANK HEAVENS!!!). He's not going to gain much by dropping just that far, so.....he's pretty much stuck where he is. We all have our opinions of what he should be doing to cross over to the "tougher" side, but he's ignoring us so far. So......again.......I remind myself with the lives of my children---"It is HIS journey." :)

Wishing you all the best in this new year of new opportunities!!!

9198 miles!!!

This past year, Mike and I have kept careful track of the miles we've driven for medical purposes. Our tax accountant had encouraged us this direction, and it has turned out to be a good decision for several reasons.

With one more trip still to endure to Mary Bridge Children's Hospital, our mileage total for medical only will be 9,198 miles for 2009! WOW! It's a little mind-boggling, to say the least.

Most of all, I feel humbled by that number. Jennica's SPD, while severe to us and her, is relatively minor compared to a terminal illness or so many other conditions. Our rural location makes it a necessity to travel a fair distance for Sensory-based OT, and virtually every other service, but that number could be SO much higher. And is much higher for so many families with children needing medical care.

Bottom line......Mike and I are not wealthy, but we can afford to make the needed travel to and from all these different places to ensure that our daughter is receiving the best medical care available. My self-employment allows me to schedule my work around her appointments. Is it still sometimes an inconvenience? Yes. Does it get tiresome having to constantly juggle this with that and be gone so much? Yes. Has my business profit level suffered this year because of it? Yes. But would I choose to do it any differently? Definitely not.

I guess that sometimes I feel like we need to do big things in order to help out a family during a medical crisis. This past year of the relatively minor experience of Jennica's medical needs have made me more sensitive to realizing that sometimes.......a gas card for a family might help more than we ever imagined.

Wanna wrestle this?

So....you wanna wrestle this?? ME NEITHER!!!

Grant has always been "the quiet one" of my four children. He is introspective, mathematically brilliant, kind, gentle, and has always been physically small for his age.

Well........I'm here to tell ya.......at age 14, he is suddenly taller than I am (yeah.....not saying much, I know). He is also carrying a 4.0 GPA, becoming more vocal, self-confident, and is developing a wild sense of humor. And...he's buff! A true beefcake!

Grant--what a great honor it is to be your Mom. I'm proud of all you've accomplished in football and wrestling this fall, and look forward to your basketball season after the New Year. You're also a great brother, student, friend, and human being.

Love you!

Mom

Bah Humbug in true SPD-style

If it were up to little folks afflicted with Sensory Processing Disorder, Christmas programs and concerts would be outlawed. My daughter, along with a gazillion other SPD kiddos, believes that there is not much worse than dressing up in snazzy clothes, enduring the hair-combing/tooth-brushing/face-washing/gussying, and being placed in front of a large crowd of staring human faces. On top of all that, you are going to be told to stand or sit in close proximity to other children, and tolerate loud racket (otherwise known as singing and/or playing musical instruments). Oh......and endure it all with a smile and don't punch the kid next to you, no matter what they do to annoy you. Yeah.......sure.

This has been a tough week at school for our ENTIRE school. Elevated behavioral outbursts are pretty typical to the last week before a major holiday in any elementary school, but given the recent passing of one of our most beloved teachers, the staff is also admitting that they are all a little "off". Of course, the kids sense that their teachers are "off" and are responding with increased whiny-ness and rotten behavior. Our entire school family NEEDS this Christmas break to heal a bit from Joan's passing, which is certainly understandable. But with the Christmas Program this week and a ton of other out-of-routine events going on, Jennica has not been at her finest.

So.......Mike and I made a tough decision today after input from her teacher and weighing all the considerations and options. We've talked the talk.........it's time to walk the walk. Jennica will be allowed to "skip" the Christmas Program tonight. Part of me is very disappointed. There is something very parental about seeing your child participate in those types of events. But we honestly don't feel it is a situation where she can be successful FOR HER. So why have her participate? Just so we can feel like parents? Just so we can prove that she can stand across the gym from us and be miserable for an hour? Just so we can once again watch SPD in action? Nah.......that's not what our daughter's journey is about.

I'm very thankful to Jennica's teacher for being honest with us about the expectations tonight. The program is one hour long, and her class sings two short songs at the very beginning, sits for 50 minutes on the bleachers with no activity, and then sings one more song at the end. During the 50 minutes of inactivity, they are expected to hold relatively still and listen to the 1st thru 6th graders sing, and then listen to the 5th & 6th grade bands. All while they are stared at by a crowd of 300+ adults. The auditory and visual input of this experience will send Jennica reeling into tactile-seeking input, as her auditory and visual systems will shut down in overload. Her brain will automatically seek input from tactile sensations and movement. (Her teacher noted that 10 minutes into practice this morning, Jen peeled off her shoes and socks, and then her coat. And then she proceeded to roll on the bleachers. Yep...........tactile input. Next comes spinning in circles, jumping up and down, or running around the gym. All in an effort to maintain adequate information for the brain to "read" the environment without fully-functioning auditory and visual systems. But not really socially-acceptable in the middle of a Christmas Program.)

So Jen and I are going to watch Grant's last wrestling meet of the year. We will enjoy a short drive together, eat some dinner, and relax. She can run around the gym. She can wiggle. And I can relax and not wait for her to "totally lose it." And I will remember that this is my daughter's journey, and know that I honored what was best FOR HER.

Wrestling Photos...

Dane with the "I'm gonna die!" look. :)

Grant (on bottom) just waiting to "work his magic" on his own teammate!

Dane is wrestling this year at 160 pounds, and he looks tall and skinny against the competition that we've seen him against. Wrestlers, as a whole, tend to carry their weight low and wide, which is not Dane's build at this point. I'm glad he's not going to work much at getting his weight lower, and he maintains easily at this weight. Even with that said, the team eats healthy during the week and tends to splurge on chocolate before the bus ride home from their meets on Saturdays. LOL. Also, check out the RED banana-boat-size 11 1/2 wrestling shoes. Our school colors are red and black, but our high school wrestling is a combined team of three local schools, so they wear purple and dark green during the regular season, which is a "neutral" combination and can't be associated with any of those three schools. Once we get into the championship events at the end of the year, the team splits back out to their individual schools and wears their own school colors. But until then......In any case, Dane CHOSE to buy these red shoes. Not sure why. But they look rather........er........dramatic with the purple singlets. LOL.

Grant is wrestling at 120 pounds right now and I will admit to being shocked last week at his meet when he stripped his warm-ups. I hadn't seen him that close-to-naked since summer swimming, and he is now much more fit. Grant has the much broader-shouldered wrestling body type, and his arms are pretty defined. (I came home and called him Beefcake, which he thought was hysterical.) He has a much better grasp of the sport than I anticipated, and won a very difficult match in the last 2 seconds last week against one of his own teammates. He was actually behind in points with 5 seconds to go, and knew exactly the "move" he needed to perform to score the necessary points to win it. Heh.

Anyway......nice to see them both enjoying their current sport. For some reason, wrestling feels more "relaxed" to me than football or basketball. Wrestlers are an odd bunch, but they enjoy each other. So........whatever works!

Blessed simplicity!!

Tiersten came home from school yesterday and said her day went, "Good!" Considering that her teacher passed away unexpectedly on Monday, and the children have been shadowed by grief counselors ever since, I was impressed! I know that most 6 & 7-year-olds don't totally grasp the concept of death, but I thought that by now, she might be feeling the strain of all the sudden changes. Not to mention that Tiersten (and most other children this age) is very intuitive about what is expected by the adults around her. Even Tuesday morning arriving at school for the first time since being informed of Ms. Leach's passing, you could see her and all of her friends gauging the adults' faces for how to "mimic" what was appropriate behavior for the situation. (I'm humbled, yet again, by just how much OUR actions effect those of the children around us!!)

Anyway.......back to the topic. When Mike asked Tiersten what had made her day so good, she only said one thing. "Mrs. Reinen (the substitute) only has one rule in her class. We only have ONE thing to remember. That's it!" She was SO clearly delighted by the simplicity. When prompted for what that rule was? "Always do the right thing."

That one simple 5-word sentence really encompasses what the only rule needs to be for all of us in life, doesn't it? Always do the right thing. In practice, of course, it is harder than it sounds, but for my daughter's chaotic week, it meant SO much to her to have simplicity in the transition.

To Mrs. Reinen (Vivian)..........THANK YOU! These children will forever remember the day that their first grade teacher died. For most of them, it is their first experience with the death of a loved one. THANK YOU for stepping forward and, with your experience, knowing that these children needed simplicity.

Still teaching us......even after she's gone

Yesterday, Tiersten's schoolteacher became ill at school and went home. Yesterday afternoon, she passed away unexpectedly.

Ms. Leach was the principal of Raymond Elementary for many years before retiring from that position and returning to the 1st grade classroom to finish out a long career in education. She was the only elementary principal that my boys ever knew, and we were thrilled this year that our request was granted for Tiersten to be placed in her 1st grade class. I always considered her to be an outstanding principal, but she was absolutely phenomenal in the classroom.

I still remember my first Parent's Night with Dane as a kindergartener. Ms. Leach was new to our school, and I was new to being a parent of a school-age child. She stood at the front of a large crowd, and exuded such warmth and excitement for the business of learning. In all the years that I knew her, she never lost that! I'm sure there had to be days that her job was tiring and challenging, but she always seemed so genuinely honored to be a part of my children's lives. And, as a truly great leader should, she always credited her terrific staff for the dramatic improvements that our school made while she was principal. Never once did I hear her accept well-deserved praise without passing the compliment on to her staff.

When she announced her intention to resign as principal and return to the classroom for her last few years before retirement, I was honestly skeptical. Would it be fair to a new principal to have the previous "chief" still on the premises? Could the staff accept her as a peer, rather than their leader? Could she narrow her world to the smaller arena of a classroom?

I should never have doubted her. From the day they hired the new principal (who is also fantastic), Joan was delighted to hand over the reins and begin the transition. On the first day of school last year, she was so excited to get her 20 kids in her room and re-immerse herself in the experience of a smaller group. I heard stories from her student's parents that watched with awe as she made tiny schedule changes in the curriculum that had large impacts on differing learning styles. I quickly learned to walk by her classroom slowly in the hallway, as the giggles and conversation from her students was such a happy sound of learning.

And Joan was also a class act outside the school. She was actively involved in so many areas of the community. Kiwanis......church........and so much more. Always dressed in bright, stylish colors, her blonde hair cut in a sassy style.....she was hard to miss. On Fridays, she tended to don crazy glasses or silly hats, just to make the kids laugh. In the mornings before school, and the afternoons as school let out, she was almost always in the hallway. Hugging kids that needed a little "extra," chatting with parents, and interacting. Always interacting.

Tiersten has had a phenomenal first four months of school this year. Ms. Leach was loved by the kids, but not because she let them rest on their laurels. She was there to educate.....and educate she did. At the school's request, each child in her class was told about her passing by their own family, in the manner that they chose appropriate with their own beliefs, and they gathered back as a class at the school today, with grief counselors on hand. Typical to 6 and 7-year-olds, they are saddened, but death is an abstract concept that isn't quite real.

At the moment, the community is focusing efforts on helping Joan's two young granddaughters-- both who lived with her full-time. At the request of the extended family, the school district is taking the "lead" on planning her memorial service this weekend. It will be huge and well-attended with a large meal to follow. She made us all feel like family, and we will honor her accordingly.

I spoke this evening to the retired teacher chosen to step in and substitute with Tiersten's class until decisions for the longer-term future can be made. Vivian was a long-term member of Joan's staff, was a close personal friend to Joan, was herself a phenomenal teacher, and is the perfect choice for this position at a challenging time. I can't think of anyone better to help the kids make the necessary adjustments, so that the entire first grade year doesn't become a loss of learning. Vivian was an amazing and honest presence in the classroom this morning, as the kids gathered together for the first time without their teacher. She told me this evening that she arrived at the school early this morning, grieving her close friend, and wanting to honor her in the best way possible by helping her young students understand what has happened. She had a list of things she knew she needed to get done before the class began arriving..........organize some art supplies for a grief exercise that might be helpful, find the gradebook and begin figuring out if there was anything urgent that needed addressed there, walk through the classroom and familiarize herself with student names, get a feel for the daily schedule as sticking to a routine will be comforting to the kids. And then she said that she stopped, and suddenly noticed a Christmas tree in the corner of the room. Gifts were wrapped and had been carefully placed beneath it. She thought, "No.........she couldn't have already..........." So she went closer to the tree and looked at each gift. Sure enough. Our beloved teacher had already shopped for and wrapped a Christmas gift for each child in her class. With her sudden passing, those gifts have gained so much more significance. A final act of love to her students from a teacher that always gave her all.

Even after she's gone, she's still teaching us about what it means to be a classy lady. We love you, Joan! You will be missed!!

Catching up....soon!

Yes...........I'm still around. I promise! We've had a very busy few weeks 'round here and I'm lagging behind on blogging. Let me give a brief rundown. Very brief--considering it is 11:00 pm on a Sunday and I've been working all day. UGH!

-Both boys are heavy into wrestling now. Both are doing well, and Dane even got a 4th place medal at his first meet. Wahoo! Grant seems to win either by pin or landslide points, or get beat in the first 30 seconds. :) His "wins" FAR outweigh his losses though. He's a tough little turkey!

-We have survived Rounds 1, 2 & 3 with Jennica's sleep and seizure testing. We were supposed to be done after Round 3, but our neurologist has upgraded (or downgraded.....depending on your perspective) her to a 48-hour VEEG in January. I whined about Rounds 1-3, so quite frankly, I think I'm being punished. This will be a LONG haul and requires full admission into Mary Bridge Hospital for two full days. She will be on a 6-foot leash for 48 hours straight. And no, she will not be in a drug-induced slumber. Darn it anyway. We meet with the neurologist on the 21st for more information on why he is ordering this highest-level of brain analysis, so I'll post more when I know more. So much for thinking that sleep deprivation and wires were a challenge.

-My computer system continues to plot against me, which is making my life difficult. Also a big reason that I haven't been blogging much. I will likely be ordering an entirely new system (again) rather than spend (waste) the money on repair. Quite frankly, its more financially efficient to replace with newer and better technology rather than repair. You know how you don't think automobile air conditioning is a big deal until you've had it? I feel that way on this crummy laptop that my assistant uses daily. I can no longer live without dual monitors. WAAAAAAH. Whine........whine........whine.

-Some big holiday is coming soon. Must get ready. Must decorate. Hmmm...When? All I'm going to say is thank the heavens for Amazon.com and UPS delivery. Even ordering on this laptop beats running around for the next three weeks like a chicken with my head cut off. :)

My brain is exhausted, so I'm headed to bed. Will post wrestling photos soon, and other kid photos. I have pictures on my cell phone of Jennica with wires coming out of her head, but can't off-load them without the big 'puter fully operational. AAAahhhhh.

Later!

New techno-toy!!

Out of sheer necessity of real property appraising in 2009, I'm pretty computer-savvy. My computer technician moans and groans that, when I call, it is always something major, because if it is anything less-than-major, I'm fully capable of fixing it myself. I only scream "Mercy!" and call him when I've exhausted every other resource.

Computers and other techn0-toys used to sort of go together, didn't they? Remember those days? If you were good on a computer, you were just pretty decent with technology as a whole. If you haven't wandered through a large electronics store lately, let me inform you that those days are over! There are a gazillion gadgets and doo-dads out there that I have no idea how to operate, and don't have any intention of learning before they are obsolete.

With my dear teenage sons around, I was beginning to feel a little out of date, but their techno-needs are pretty simple. I mean......let's face it......they get their thrills by smashing other boys on the football field and wrestling mats. They love their MP3 players and the convenience of their cell phones, but don't spend a lot of time exploring their full range of uses. But with the employment of my appraisal assistant last May, I have quickly come to the conclusion that I am becoming a dinosaur. Unbelievable to me, Amber can text with her hand and cell phone in her pocket! Accurately! She laughs hysterically when she watches me send one of my rare hunt-and-peck texts. Great......I'm humor fodder.

Until today! My cell phone plan was up for renewal, and I acquired a new phone complete with a QWERTY keypad. It has both the numeric keypad and the QWERTY, with the QWERTY revealed only when you slide the thing open. Magic!!! And, oh-so-modern! Groovy!

So.......when Amber comes to work tomorrow, I'm going to wave my new toy under her nose. No doubt she will still be able to out-text me with her numeric keypad hidden in her pocket.......but at least I look modern. And, no, I did not get a Smartphone with internet. Quite frankly, I just don't want to be that "available" to my email and I have no desire to use Facebook (or any other website) while I'm wandering the random world. Not to mention that cell reception is still a bit "spotty" out here in the rural outlands. As for Twitter.......there isn't anybody out there that needs to know (or care) what I'm doing right now. Period.

But still........I'm rather enjoying my new toy. I've already tried out the texting with the keyboard and I'm way faster than I was punching on a numeric keypad. I loaded an animated wallpaper on the home-page, typed my name in the banner, and customized my ringtones. What....that gets me up to speed with........2003? :)

That's IT??!!!???

Jennica has been a real beast lately out at the riding stable. B-E-A-S-T! For the most part, she has been insisting on sitting in the car, which always progresses into laying on the horn because she gets very impatient. When I do manage to talk her into coming into the barn and/or arena with us, she pouts/screams/whines/yells and makes a general boob of herself. Needless to say, I'm at a point where I don't even want her out at the stable right now. Thankfully, the horses are more tolerant of her behavior than most humans, but even Yodi is rolling his eyes at the sight of her. Its exhausting for all of us to try to get feeding and chores done with her shrieking or honking the horn.

In any case, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that something is going on. SOMETHING is bugging her, but in a horse barn with 14 large, smelly animals......it could be anything. I honestly figured it was the colder temperatures. She is really reacting more than ever before to temperature at the moment, so I figured she was struggling with the cold. Of course, a pair of ski pants and thermal boots and various hats and gloves later....she's still being a boob.

And then today she attached herself to my leg and wouldn't let go. I lunged a rowdy 1200-pound horse while she was clinging to my thigh like a leech. (Not safe with all horses, but this one responds entirely to voice cues.) In any case, during the process of clinging to me, Jennica finally managed to tell me that the sound of the rain on the metal roof of the barns and arena were making her "crazy". And my lightbulb clicked on! Bing! Auditory processing........repetitive background noise.........thats IT!!!

Once I was able to talk to her about what was CAUSING the noise, she settled down better than she has in about two weeks. And lo and behold.......its been raining for two weeks straight. I will keep talking to her about the noise that rain makes on the roof and we'll see where it goes. We might try some muffling headphones or something. Maybe even some earmuffs would make it more tolerable. I'm not sure yet, but at least I think we might have an answer for the shrieking.

But seriously? Rain on the roof? That's IT??!!!??? This SPD stuff is exhausting some days!!

How come nobody slapped us harder?

I've done some pondering this week. I know......scary stuff......me thinking. I've been thinking back to the very beginning of our journey to SPD, and wondering if we missed "the signs". Primarily, signs that we should have seen. If so, what were they? And why did we ignore them?

I still remember our first trip to Mary Bridge early in 2005. Jennica wasn't yet a year old, and we were there seeking guidance for a number of minor issues. Very minor issues that, without her genetic history to point to as a basis for taking a closer look, they would have laughed us right out the door. For most intents and purposes, she was developing right on target. There were issues like not consistently turning toward sound, but it was never consistent (you had to catch her in the wrong mood) and her hearing tested fine. There were sometimes issues with visual tracking (again...you had to catch the mood), and a lack of interest in solid food, but once again, she was so young and she was clearly interacting and developing two-way communication skills. She was very interested in people and activities around her, so it wasn't the big "A" word........autism.

But that day, an occupational therapist introduced us to a totally new term--Sensory Processing Disorder. She retrieved a pamphlet from her office, and brought it to us in the exam room. We read it, and found it fascinating......but we were still so far from diagnosis. It would be another 3 years before we knew, but I would be willing to bet that the OT, a complete stranger, chose to give us that pamphlet because she was seeing things in Jennica, at 8 months, that were already showing the path to SPD. She had been brought into the exam to have a fleeting conversation with us about inspiring interest in solid food, but I bet.........she knew, or at least had a strong guess.

Children with SPD are, in some ways, their own worst enemy. They are so darn normal in the ways that you are told to be aware of. Even parents, like us, that were fully prepared to face some developmental "blips" along the way, due to sheer genetic history, missed things that I wish we had caught earlier. For example, her speech has always been excellent. Her eye contact is excellent. She communicates and interacts. So.......who knew that what appeared to be stubborn, strong-willed, and downright bratty at times was more than......stubborn, strong-willed, and bratty. We didn't know that persistent complaints of hunger might be more than a hungry kid. We didn't know that difficulty going to sleep might be more than difficulty going to sleep. And on and on it went. Every parent we know has a horror story that relates to Jen's symptoms! If she had presented with these symptoms and other symptoms related to physical health, communication, interaction, etc., we would have been many steps farther ahead before age four. But we were watching.......and we missed the symptoms we had because they could be so easily explained as stubborn, strong-willed, and bratty.

So now......a question. There are certainly a lot of children out there who lack good discipline. We all know that. But for parents like us, that tried to provide consistent discipline and didn't get anywhere, and then learned there was a reason for the behaviors........how do you know? If we, as a group of parents promoting SPD, are going to move forward in this science, how do we help other parents see the difference when we ourselves couldn't see the difference in the moment? We don't need a bunch of discipline-deprived children running around with diagnoses of SPD, ADHD, ODD, or any other neuro-developmental disorder. Nor do children with SPD need their diagnosis "weakened" by the mis-diagnosis of a bunch of kids that just need some solid boundaries. But with all of that said, if we don't identify these children early on and get them appropriate treatment, it is already a proven fact that they often become future criminals, drug addicts, and more.

I don't have the answers. But I'm facing the questions honestly and asking them.

My favorite veteran

I was fortunate enough to grow up knowing, and occasionally flying with, a WWII fighter pilot of the Army Air Corps. He never quite put the war behind him and, even now, at almost 90 years of age, his conversations are often dominated by old war stories of Saipan and the air battles over the South Pacific. I've asked questions at times, and have been allowed to peruse his old flight logs and photos, but for the most part I prefer to just listen and absorb his passion. That's what I will remember when he's gone.

I will make a phone call tomorrow and tell him, again, thank you for his service. He's my very own war hero.

Neuro-comedians??

So.........today was "Back to Mary Bridge" day. Oh goody. (I remember a time not-so-long-ago when the place sort of fascinated me. Now that I finally have the parking down, and have a clue where to go, its lost its luster. Go figure.)

Today was the day that we got to meet with Dr. Sleep-and-Seizure. I won't bore you with the long version.......Jennica qualified for study. But she qualified for MORE than what I had hoped for. There is both good and bad in this scenario. The good? We should get some really true answers one way or the other, which will bring solutions either way. Either treatment, or a "clear-sailing" on this part of the brain function. The bad? These are some really brutal test procedures. I had convinced myself that, if she qualified, this would be a one-night show. I have friends that have endured sleep studies and know the basics from them. Or so I thought. Heh.

Test #1 will consist of us keeping Jennica up until midnight the night before her testing, and waking her up again at 4 a.m. The goal (or so the doctor says) is to make her sleep-deprived and, therefore, stress her neuro-system. We are then to accompany her, still awake, to Mary Bridge, where they will perform roughly two hours of electric readings on various areas of her brain, while she completes certain activities and tasks. The activities are all pretty basic, but designed to stimulate different areas of the brain, so that they can view the electrical activities. Just my opinion.........but I have seen my daughter sleep-deprived. It ain't pretty. The level of participation that they are going to get is probably going to involve whining, screaming at them, and lying on the floor. As her visual and auditory processing systems are the first to begin to struggle in sleep-need mode, she will quickly switch to her tactile processing system for input on her environment. Which means that she will CRAVE touch for everything. From the floor, the ceiling, from us, and she's going to be extremely sensitive to hunger, thirst, cold, heat, etc. And the mood swings? Watch out! Of course, in all honesty, these are neurologists that test similar children all day long in similar situations. I'm sure they've seen it before. But those kids are not MY kid. UGH! Can we just drop her off at the door and pick her up when its over? No.......I wouldn't really do that to her, but its hard to think positively about this.

Test #2 will involve the basic wire-you-up-and-tell-you-to-sleep thing. We check in during the evening, and check out in the morning. This was the test that I knew about and thought it was probably going to be difficult, but I could "buck up" and get through it. Now........it sounds like a cake-walk compared to Test #1. Plus.......they've said we can use our regular bedtime routine, including melatonin, which will really help here!! I'm a little concerned that she's going to detach the wires as fast as they attach them, but once again, these people are experts. They must have that down to a science. Right?

Test #3 is performed during the day immediately following Test #2. They are going to try to get her to nap all day, at two-hour intervals. She has 20 minutes to fall asleep. If she's not asleep, they quit and she "plays" for another two hours. If she falls asleep, they let her sleep. Okay............we can do this. It will go better if she's slept fairly well during Test #2, but either way, this one is survive-able.

After meeting with the neurologist today, I honestly have no expectations for our outcomes on any of these tests. I think its hysterical that they sit there and explain all this to you like its as simple as boiling a hot dog, but whatever. I generally have some pre-conceived notions going into testing, and I knew that her symptoms were very likely going to be enough to qualify her for study, but I guess I didn't expect them to take us quite THIS seriously. I have no idea whether we're going to come away with the common sleep or seizure disorders that accompany SPD, or if we're going to walk away with simply another box checked off, and another option that has been explored.

A long, cool, drink of water...

It has been a brutally long few weeks around here. The list of things that have gone.....er.........not our way......is lengthy. First and foremost, we've been sick. Every darn stinkin' one of us. And then my computer crashed. (It had a virus, too. Go figure.) And then we all got sick AGAIN.

This is going to sound rather naive, but I don't really GET sick. A day......maybe. But day after day after day? Very rarely. I've always been pretty darn healthy, as is everyone else in our house. I get tired.......I get very bone-tired.........but I don't get sick.

The last few weeks, I have felt the weight of the world pressing down on me. Exhaustion......sickness.........more exhaustion........I had nothing left to give and the world was looking pretty darn bleak. Of course, with Jennica's needs that are absorbing such huge amounts of my energy, and now with little energy to give, I started to wonder, "WHY??" Why are we doing this? Why are we doing that? How do I know that my time and money wouldn't be better spent here or there? How do I continue to put one foot in front of the other not knowing if we're gaining any ground? I'm so so so so tired. And then the age-old question--Is the child improving at all, or are we just catering her environment around her to create the illusion of improvement?

And then, I was given today. I say "given" because I am truly viewing it as a GIFT. A reason to keep going. An inspiration. A high point in a long and winding road that stretches far into the distance.

Today, Jennica had her normal, weekly therapy appointment. Her therapist has moved into a brand-new building built specifically for them, which is hugely exciting for all of us, but can also spell big trouble for little bodies that don't transition well to new places/routines. Honestly, I expected a meltdown at the door, as......well.....everything that can be difficult has been lately. In any case, Jennica marched into the new "digs" with a smile. She spent the next hour verbalizing everything she did. She laughed aloud as she careened wildly on the new swings. And........drum roll here..........she initiated a visual diagonal during a fine motor task!!! She not only copied it. She initiated it! (Trust me here........this is HUGE!) And then she laughed and played more! No meltdowns. No fights. No bargaining. No whining. Only active participation, reciprocal conversation, shared decision-making over activities, and genuine signs of self-comfort in a strange environment without constant reinforcement that she was "safe".

I've cried tears today over the relief of the hour that I witnessed. It was an hour that a parent of a "typical" child never thinks to treasure. Until you have one that struggles to feel at home in their own skin. Who knew that an hour of "normal" could be so utterly earth-shattering that a tired Mom could be driven to tears? And encouraged to keep going.

Halloween........again.

I'm sure I've said this before on here, but Halloween has to be the WORST holiday for SPD children. No matter how hard we try to prepare them, make schedules, talk about the sights/sounds/feels so they know what to expect......again and again and again these children fall flat on their faces.

I ended up sewing Jennica a witch costume. I have to say that I rather out-did myself. It is soft, with no itchiness anywhere, and was so "cool" that she WANTED to wear it. She wore it all day at school yesterday with no problems. Heck.....that in itself speaks volumes. I took photos and will post them when my "real computer" is back working. Don't ask.......

But she had a field trip yesterday. Field trips are tough for sensory kids on a good day without the added Halloween chaos. And this time, some brilliant teacher came up with the idea that the kids should go to our local old-folks home and sing Halloween songs. For the typical kids......fine. For the SPD kiddo? Definitely not fine. Down deep, I knew what a disaster this was going to be. But with Jen's new 1:1, who is fantastic, I decided to butt out and let her do her job. Disaster. But Christine and Jen got through it. In the parking lot. Away from the nursing home smells, noises, reaching hands, etc. Sigh.......

And then tonight, Tiersten is out trick-or-treating with Mike, while Jen and I are home. Jennica is curled up in my bed, honestly not feeling well, but even without sickness......trick-or-treating was not going to go well. It never has.

So.....I've come to a conclusion. Why in the heck do we continue to put OUR expectations on this child for holidays? Culturally, we have such a strong sense of what we want our children to experience. Often it is based on what we, as children, experienced. But you know what? This is not OUR childhood. It is Jennica's childhood. It is HER journey. Before next Halloween, I intend to have a good chat with her about what SHE wants to experience as Halloween. And thats what she is going to experience. No more. No less. So anyone that wants to parade Jennica around next Halloween? It might happen. And it might not. Deal with it.

Thanksgiving isn't so bad. Food.......play.......more food. At home. She does that pretty well. Christmas isn't so bad, once school is out. Our family Christmas is do-able for her. Valentine's Day is the next "bad" holiday, I think. I will be talking to Jennica in January. What does Valentine's Day mean to HER!!!???!!! Its time to make some deeper changes in acceptance.