Yeah.........I "checked out" for awhile

Its been an odd couple of weeks around here and blogging hasn't been on the top of my "to do" list. So.......for those of you who live on the edge just waiting to hear what we've been up to......(Yeah whatever).......Here goes:

The boys did well with oral surgery. After the first 72 hours anyway. I think they were both surprised with the intensity of the whole experience, the inconvenience of the chewing issues in the first few days, their attachment to pain meds early on, and aren't really looking forward to any surgeries in the future. For Dane......who knows when/if that will be. For Grant.......he's now officially dreading jaw surgery in a year, which he already knows is going to cause the wisdom tooth event to seem very minor in comparison. But they're all healed up and recovering well. Onward and upward.

Jennica has not adapted to her new supplement schedule tremendously well, which has caused some headaches for everyone. I'm hoping (REALLY hoping) that we're through the worst of it now, but she got very moody and irritable through the first week and beyond. We're not sure if it was caused by the taurine, the magnesium, or the B6 P-5-P, but we lowered the dosage of all three and are easing her back up to the full dose. Technically, she should not have reacted. But any doctor that wants to try to cram that theory down my throat can take her home for a week the next time they want to change her supplements again. She seems to be almost back to normal now, so we'll probably boost things incrementally again in the next day or two. I think the highlight was coming out of the pharmacy to see an empty Durango sitting in the parking lot with the doors wide open where I had casually left her and Grant just minutes earlier. The doors being wide open alarmed me, and neither of them were anywhere in sight. Just as my heart was climbing up in my throat and I was beginning to feel a little panic, Jennica came streaking around the building at a dead run with Grant hot on her tail. Grant said she had been sitting there quietly in the Durango, and all the sudden, ripped open the door and took off down the street like a shot out of a gun. He immediately hopped out and ran after her--hence the open doors. Needless to say, he was not amused with her and neither was I. This type of impulsive behavior with no regard for personal safety is an unexplained common occurrence in children with SPD---and a great big pain in the fanny. Its a whole lot worse when she's "off" due to a dietary violation or a change in supplements, or some other occurrence that sends her reeling. The child-lock is now back in the "on" position on her car door. GGGGGGRRRRRRRR.

As for the rest of life, I just feel like I need another vacation. Preferably with some earnings from the lottery. :)

So......just how tough are ya?

My athletic, wrestler-dude, football-player sons both get their wisdom teeth removed from their skulls tomorrow. Heh. Gonna be interesting to see how they handle this. You see......neither one of them has had any type of surgery before. Neither of them has had a broken bone. Not a tooth pulled. Not a sprained ankle. Nothing. Nada. Grant had three tiny stitches in his forehead when he was three years old and has had x-rays once. Big deal. I don't think Dane has even had x-rays before, other than standard dental x-rays, which don't count. So........tomorrow is going to be very "telling".

In total honesty, I'm not worried much about Dane. He has gotten drug into this whole event simply because Grant's maxillo-facial surgeon in Seattle ordered that Grant's wisdom teeth be removed ASAP in preparation of his upcoming jaw surgery. Since we were already getting it all lined up for Grant, it occurred to us that Dane also probably needed a check on his wisdom teeth. As it turns out, Dane's wisdom teeth are ready to come out and the timing is perfect. Grant...........well....... is not quite so lucky. Being almost two years younger, his wisdom teeth are still impacted well below the jawbone. The oral surgeon bluntly informed me that, if it were not for the necessity of removing them for the jaw surgery that needs to be done, he wouldn't take them out for another two years. He's going to have to "dig" for them, which carries a likelihood of a whole lot more pain and swelling than what Dane is likely going to experience. Oh goody! I'm sincerely hoping that it goes very smoothly. For Grant's sake.

And in the meantime, since we've become more aware of Grant's jawline, I've noticed much more lately how sunken his lower jaw actually is! I honestly never really noticed before! It was just "Grant". But now, I see in small ways how his speech is being ever-so-slightly affected, and how his chewing habits are affected. While the jaw surgery is going to change the shape of his face and how he looks, I'm excited for Grant and glad that this is all going to be corrected for him. I'm sure that millions of human beings have lived normal lives with a 9 mm difference in whatever-it-is, but I'm glad that he's not going to have to!

So anyway......it will be good to get the first major bridge crossed in Grant's surgery preparation. Wisdom teeth out.........and healing for surgical readiness. And Dane drug along "for the fun of it".(It was inevitible. This is just sooner rather than later.)

We'll check back in 24-48 hours and let you know if they still think they're so tough after going under the scalpel. Heh. Let's just hope they don't puke from the anesthesia. Like their Mom. Ugh!

Wishing I could bury my head in the sand...

Last Thursday, we finally met with Jennica's naturopath to design our plan of attack on her amino acids results. Mike and I are pretty bright, and becoming pretty well-informed on how to read lab results. We knew the results weren't great. However, neither of us were prepared for the naturopath to tell us that Jennica's results are among the worst she's ever seen, and that she's at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed, since there are so many different things that need fixed, and they really need to be tackled in a methodical manner......rather than all at once.

So.........we're delving into the world of "compounding pharmeuticals." I've decided (in my immature, pouting manner at the moment) that this is a sign that your body systems are really really messed up......when they have to "create" substances JUST for you. And these things HAVE to be taken slowly, as we HAVE to be able to properly gauge the results. So.......we're starting with a specialty slow-release magnesium and B6 in pill form, and hoping that the levels climb. And we're administering a different nutrient through a cream, as its known to be able to be absorbed through the skin. And we wait. Again. And re-test. Again. Before we can "hit her" with more stuff, we need to make sure that her body is going to be able to absorb and utilize these few things, before we dump a ton more into her. There is no point to putting a lot of nutrients into her system if her body won't use them, which is precisely what its doing with food.

And we have to tighten the screws down even harder on her diet. We are now looking for "hidden" forms of gluten, casein, eggs, and peanuts in absolutely everything she eats. I had missed the fine print on the fact that eggs are in the bread we have been buying........so good-bye to that bread. We ran out of her organic maple syrup last week, so she has been eating regular syrup. Gone. All of those last-minute options for "minor" things have to go away. It is our best chance to heal her intestinal tract......which is the only permanent solution.

So until then.......we pray that her body is going to start responding to nutrients, but we also have to deal with the likelihood that it won't. The next options involve shots or IV therapies, that put these crucial life-supporting nutrients directly into her blood, and bypass her damaged digestive tract altogether. But there are risks to that, too, so first.....we have to try this.

And in the meantime, I feel the ever-present calendar staring down at us. The human body is designed (from caveman times) to focus on survival first. Her physical system is thriving. She gained EIGHT pounds between December and May, after the removal of the gluten. But the body will make a choice to survive first.......and feed the high-level brain functions last. In order for her to keep up with her peers and succeed in Kindergarten, we have to have her brain fed.

And then, I think to myself, thank heavens we found all this out now. What if she was a 5th grader? What if she was an 8th grader that had struggled all these years? How many children are out there that get treated as simply behavioral problems that have these types of drastic physical correctable things going on in their bodies?

So.......I guess I'm torn. We've come so far since last Fall. We understand SO much more. We have a long path behind us and I'm SO very proud of the huge advances that she's made. And then I look at the path ahead of us and groan. UUUUUGHHHHH! But she is SO very worth it! And just for the record, its always hard because she looks so darn normal, talks a mile a minute, and goes at the speed of light all day long. The average person never could imagine the struggles going on inside that little body! And I know that some days, we totally sound like the "nutty" parents. Oh well........

This is what its all about!

The photo needs no words. :)

Horse crazy

I'm sure that a few of you were shaking your heads a few weeks ago when I announced here that I had bought a new horse. With our already nutty schedules, what in the heck was I thinking? Well........I gotta tell ya.......I'm loving every minute of being back in the horse world. I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed every aspect of horse ownership and I am soaking it all up.

Truth be told, being a Mom of 4 kids is wonderful, but its easy to lose a bit of myself, when my life focuses around them. And simply put, in order to spend time with my family, I've learned to enjoy some of their hobbies, but had lost my own passion in the process. I play golf, which I enjoy, but its not a passion. We showed the dogs for awhile but, once again, it wasn't a passion. I love watching my children participate in football, basketball, track, wrestling, ballet, and all of their other myriad events. But none of them are MY passion. Horses is definitely MY passion.

Yodi is living at a boarding stable about 6 miles from our home. The stable is owned and operated by a dressage trainer, and the majority of the horses there are warmblood hunters and dressage horses. Counting Yodi, there are 12 horses at the moment, but that number will climb in the fall, as several of the boarders return when the weather gets wet. There is a large indoor arena, 20+ large box stalls, a variety of turn-outs, and all the other amenities that go with a riding stable.

As for Yodi, he's a good-looking bay quarter horse gelding with a small white snip on his forehead and one white foot. At a solid 15.2 hands, he's pretty big, but manages to look "average" next to the gigantic warmblood hunters in the barn. Quiet enough for the girls to handle easily, he's knowledgeable enough that he provides me with a challenge as well. Tiersten rode for quite a while in the arena last night, and is gaining confidence. Of course, Jen (with her lack of personal safety awareness) thinks she is ready for Grand Prix and would willingly hit a jumping course with no clue that she's not ready for that. (See why we needed a quiet horse with some knowledge?) I've been constantly testing limits with him, just because I want to know exactly how deep his abilities run. So far........I've done a ton of flatwork, had him out on trails and over wood and steel bridges, and he's met every challenge with ease. His only glitch involved a sideways jump when a napping herd of elk suddenly stood up about 20 feet from us. It scared me, too, and we made a unanimous decision to quietly head back the way we'd come. After years past dealing with young horses lacking experience, its nice to be able to just saddle up and go.

So.........while adding a horse to the menagerie might seem like an odd choice, its also tremendously therapeutic. I'm getting to enjoy something that I really love, Jennica is getting to participate firsthand in an event strongly recommended by her occupational therapist (riding therapy a.k.a. "hippotherapy" is HUGE for kids with SPD), and Tiersten is enjoying it, too. I had forgotten how great horse manure smells and how wonderful hay feels in my bra. :)

The train-wreck amino acid results...

Okay.........off and on I've mentioned on this blog that we were preparing to test Jennica's amino acid levels, with a promise that I would explain more later. But later has never arrived. Until now. Just before we left on vacation, we received amino acid test results. To sum it all up, pretty much a train-wreck. Oh goody. But at the same time, it gives us some hope that if we can correct some of these imbalances, perhaps some other things will also fall into line for Jennica. Like the ability to handle sensory overwhelming situations in a more logical manner, and the ability to correctly read body signs of hunger/thirst/cold/etc. before they cause out of control behaviors. So......this all could be a good thing. But its going to mean tackling another set of dietary interventions and supplements and......ugh........which is why we waited until AFTER vacation to fully address it. But here goes on what we know at this point:

In a perfect world, your body is properly nourished from the foods you eat. You consume the food, and your digestive system extracts the nutrients to be utilized as fuel for virtually all types of bodily functions. In a way over-simplified format, the term used to describe when a digestive system does not have the ability to extract the nutrients from food/vitamin intake is called "malabsorption." Malabsorption can be caused by a huge variety of things, but hypothetically-speaking, a person with a severe case could literally starve to death, while eating a very healthy and balanced diet. Does that happen? Probably not. But milder cases are very common. And an amino acids test can be used to help diagnose this condition.

Let me stop here for just a minute and state that Jennica has been proven with blood tests to have IgG food allergies to gluten, casein, peanuts, and eggs, right? Allergies are a type of auto-immune disorder, so the years that she consumed those foods prior to our knowledge of her allergies likely were damaging her digestive tract. The possible damages? Malabsorption! Do you see where I'm headed?

So........Jennica's amino acids test came back with a few areas of significant concern. The nutrients that control physical body functions (growth, muscle strength, heart health, eye health....all that stuff) are all good. But the nutrients that affect neuro-function are deficient! And the nutrients that the body uses to remove toxins from the body are deficient! Holy cow!!! There is a THEME here! This is a child with Sensory Processing Disorder (a NEURO condition) with high levels of specific toxins in her body! The dots are beginning to connect!

There are two specific nutrient deficiencies that came up throughout all areas of this testing: Magnesium and Vitamin B6. Why? We don't know........yet. There are other areas of deficiencies that will also require correction, but those two were consistent through all areas.

So.......now what do we do about it? We're not sure yet. Our naturopath will be involved in that decision. If her body doesn't absorb magnesium from food sources, will it absorb it in pill form? Or is it going to have to be given in shot form? (Like my own B12 shots.....which I'm still doing, by the way.) And what about that B6, which tastes brutally nasty in pill form. We've already been down that road with her and had to remove the B6 from her menagerie of supplements, as we found out that she could smell it a mile away. (Anyone remember the post about a year ago about a nasty little yellow pill that she REFUSED to take? That was B6!!! I took it and about vomited myself!)

But anyway, all this is really fascinating to me. As much as part of me wants to pull the covers over my head at the thought of attacking a whole new supplement routine, I have to admit that these results show some real consistencies with other results from completely separate tests ran several months ago. For example, her metals tests last winter came back showing high levels of toxins, and now her amino acids tests show that she's lacking the nutrients in her body that perform toxin removal. A coincidence? I think not! So.....I have some hope. We have roughly two months to "fiddle" with her supplements before school starts, so now is a great time to experiment. I'll keep you all posted!

A vacation to remember.....

Wow! Our vacation at Lake Chelan was exactly what we needed.........uneventful, restful, with no schedules to follow. The house we rented (sight unseen) turned out to be a great choice for us. Newer, roomy with lots of windows with great lake views, and 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. With Jennica's diet, the reality of motel life would be simply impossible, so this was a great option. We lounged some hours on the deck, and enjoyed the hot tub immensely. This was WAY better than a motel, and we will definitely go this route again. And access to the private pools and lakefront parks of this community were another definite plus. We didn't have to fight ANY crowds. Wahoo!

Activities were varied, but all relaxing. Swimming, hot tubbing, swimming some more, golf, a move in town for the boys, putt-putt golf for the girls, reading, lazing, and one long afternoon at the water park. Mike even insisted that I go get a massage one day, which I enjoyed to the utmost.

I'm posting photos of the kids. It was back to life as usual today, but its good to feel rested after our whirlwind school year. What a great way to start the summer!

The marathon is over...

After the past 10 days............all I can say is "Whew!" Two graduations, a third graduation (preschool) that was cancelled due to a swine flu threat, a solid week of ballet with 85 little girls followed by the ballet recital (three shows in 24 hours), Jennica's normal OT and speech, field trips, last day of school, spring football started..............Whew! But.......as of today, life is much quieter. Of course, life with us is always at a dull roar, but the crazy-ness of early June is behind us. We have crossed the finish line!

This Friday, we leave on vacation to an undisclosed, secret location. Our plans while we're there? To do as little as possible. Sleep. Eat. Play. We have no intention of returning from our vacation more tired than we left. We have nowhere to be at any scheduled time, and we're simply going to enjoy 7 days of leisure.

I will post photos soon of the ballet recital, but today is "recovery" day, so I'm not spending much time in front of the computer. :)

Updates from the Land of Chaos

Every single darn year, the final few weeks of school are chaotic. I always forget the level of craziness......until it is upon us. But there is excitement in the air! School is almost out! Wahoo! I think I'd be MORE excited if I was looking forward to months of nothing-ness like that kids are........but oh well! I, too, was once a child awaiting 11 weeks of vacation. (Oh...........how I wish I had appreciated it more!)

In any case, things here are going well. Its been wild with band concerts, Dane's final sports banquet of the year, Tiersten gearing up for the ballet recital on the 12th & 13th, and getting the horse added to our routine. (Loving that last part, by the way. I had almost forgotten how good horse sweat and manure smells.)

And this week, Jennica had a visual evaluation update, and her issues are improving with her at-home therapy on the computer. Yippee! Her tracking is better and........the boys love this part......her developmental vision doctor has PRESCRIBED a Wii for her. :) So.....we'll be adding "Wii therapy" to her routine in the next few weeks. Of course, as Mike was quick to point out, wouldn't the Wii therapy be even better on a 60-inch plasma screen? Perhaps another prescription is due? Yeah.........we didn't think so either.

Jennica also will be doing speech therapy over the summer in addition to her occupational therapy. This one baffles most people that know Jen, as she communicates extremely well, is considered "on target" for all speech and language issues, and has no enunciation difficulties. So......speech therapy? But while it is a subtle issue, her sensory processing makes it difficult at times for her to express herself in ways that will allow her to communicate at a higher level. When life is good.......she does great. When she gets stressed or over-stimulated, she has a hard time expressing exactly WHAT is stressing her, and asking in an acceptable manner for what could help her. Those are the times when she still turns into a raging beast, or a whiny cling-on. She also struggles a bit with some subtle social language skills, so it will be good to get some help with that. We're merging now into some of the more advanced manifestations of SPD, but these are the skills that need to be built in order for her to be successful. Keeping the eye on the goal. Function......function.......function......Also exciting for us is that her EXCELLENT preschool teacher has been hired next year to teach Kindergarten. This particular teacher just attended the two-day seminar with us on SPD, and has spent a year with Jen already. She understands the disorder, knows Jennica well enough to recognize what issues are "kid issues" and what issues are "SPD issues", and communicates well with us about our goals and objectives. Wahoo! This is a great thing for Jen!!

And yesterday, I spent the day in Seattle with Grant at the maxillofacial surgeon. Grant WILL have surgery.......100% for sure. However, the surgeon is recommending that we hold off for 12-18 months for 2 major reasons: 1) Grant needs to have his wisdom teeth out, and removing the wisdom teeth is going to leave a "hole" in the bone right where they need to cut. They need that bone to be as strong as possible to hold the new pins, so we will be removing wisdom teeth surgically this summer, which will give plenty of time for that bone to heal before the jaw surgery. And 2) His jaw is currently asymmetrical in growth. That's pretty normal for an almost 14-year-old, as bones don't always grow at the same rate on both sides. But if the bone is going to stay assymetrical, they will correct it during the surgery. If the bone is going to even out in the next 12-18 months, they don't want to correct it now during surgery, only to have it continue to grow (and end up crooked) after the surgery. All this makes perfect sense to me, and I like the doctor's willingness to time things properly so this is a one-time deal.

The surgery, when the time is right, will take place at Swedish Hospital in Seattle, and will involve an overnight stay. They no longer wire the jaw shut for this surgery, as was done in the past (much to Grant's relief), but he will have to eat fairly soft foods for about 6 weeks and will not be able to play any contact sports for a minimum of 10 weeks after surgery. Another reason to time things right, as he's going to throw one heckuva temper tantrum if anyone suggests missing out on a season of football. :)

And, of course, being me, the great-asker-of-questions, I asked what would happen if Grant didn't have this surgery? On a short and long-term basis, is it a huge deal if Grant's lower jaw is smaller than his upper jaw and he lives with an overbite? (I'm not trying to be a neglectful parent, but I wanted to know!) The surgeon told us that his measurement for correction, if the surgery were done today, is 9 millimeters, which is pretty significant. Most likely, as life progressed, Grant's lower front teeth would begin to destroy the soft tissue and bone behind the upper front teeth. His jaw joint would suffer from extreme stress, and he could expect to suffer from severe headaches and other jaw disabilities. Potential for future surgery in adulthood would be very high, with a more complex surgery involved to correct the bone issue he has, as well as any damage that had resulted from the bone issue. Okay.........I'm good with that answer. I'm convinced that this a necessary surgery.

So Grant has the summer "free" from jaw surgery after all. Except for the wisdom tooth removal. Too bad I can't suck them out of his head with a shop vac. :)

Look what we found!

Look what has stumbled into our life? Wahoo! I've been horseless for almost 7 years, which was WAAAaaaaaay too long! The girls are having a blast with him! More on "Yodi" soon!

And an added note as a second thought.....

Following up that last post about Grant's great accomplishments in track, obviously with a little success under their belts, the boys are all looking forward to football season in the fall. Which is a good thing!!

But, yesterday we found out that Grant is probably going to have some major surgery on his lower jaw over the summer. We meet with the maxillo-facial surgeon in Seattle next Wednesday, and will know more after that. His upper jaw growth is exceeding the lower jaw growth, and his head-gear is not stopping the growth adequately, so it appears that they are going to "extend" his lower jaw by cutting bone and extending it and pinning it, and ya da ya da ya da. Not an ideal situation, but also necessary and not catastrophic, as long as it is treated properly ASAP.

So.....obviously, Grant is concerned about getting the surgery done, so he has plenty of time to heal before football practice starts. I kind of rolled my eyes and reminded him that his medical care takes first priority.........until I remembered that I was almost exactly the same age when I had oral surgery on a Monday, and was riding my horse two days later. It was a good reminder about what it is like to be 14!!

I'll keep you posted on what will happen with Grant. Not sure yet whether this is going to involve in hospitalization, or will be outpatient. Part of me doesn't want him booted too early from the hospital, when we live so far from the surgeon that will be overseeing his care, but we'll see how it goes.......

WOW-some track stars

I've been REALLY busy the past week or so, but I'm dropping by here for just a minute to send some well-deserved kudos to Grant, and his fellow track teammates. Their season has just ended, and they accomplished some REALLY amazing stuff! I was aware that they were doing well, but didn't realize just how well until the end of the season awards' thingy-ma-bobber. So.....here is a re-cap:

Our Junior High Track Team broke 18 school records this year.
Our 7th grade boys team was un-defeated. (Several of the boys were undefeated in their individual events as well.)
Our 7th grade boys team won the League Championship Meet by 105 points!!!

As for Grant........he qualified for league in all four of his individual events, and was on the winning 4 x 100 Relay Team. He finished the season at league with some personal records, which was a great way to go out.

And I have to give an extra "hurray" for one of his best friends, Ally P.--I swear this kid has wings. Ally just turned 13, and jumped 18'7" in the Long Jump, and just over 38 feet in the Triple Jump. That is so phenomenal that coaches from other schools were joking about checking his birth certificate. (Ally also went undefeated all season in the 100 meters and 200 meters. This kid is AMAZING! Go Ally!)

Raymond athletics has taken a long turn "in the bottom of the barrel" in the last 10-15 years. We've had scattered successes, but its been a LONG time since anyone can remember the type of dominance that this group of 7th grade boys are showing. A winning season (with the 8th graders) in football, undefeated in basketball, and undefeated in track.

GO BOYS!!! We're proud of you!

Furthering the cause.....

For all of you people out there interested in SPD, I am posting a link here. Read and peruse at will. It is full of information.

I would encourage all of you to click on the button for "Help us Help" in the left column, and sign the petition. It is crucial to all people with SPD that it be recognized in 2012 as a medical diagnosis. This petition will help further that cause. Read the stuff on the website, which explains the petition, the DSM V, and what the goals are!

Happy reading!
http://www.spdfoundation.net/index.html

The Sport of People-Watching

Clear back in December, I heard that Ron "Tater Salad" White was going to be having a tour stop near us in May, so immediately bought tickets in anticipation of Mike's birthday. (For those of you that are not fans, he is a scotch-drinking, cigar-smoking comedian that tours with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour...Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ron White.) Mike is a fan, and so I thought it would be fun to go see Ron perform in person.

Now........let me mention that he just recently released, in conjunction with the new tour, a new DVD titled, "Behavioral Problems." Mike already knew that I had tickets to the show, but I also bought the new DVD and gave it to him on his actual birthday, as kind of a "theme gift." Of course, we watched the new DVD right away, which is BY FAR, the rudest and crudest of his work. (Some of it is, in fact, so downright appalling that I sat on our couch in stunned silence. However, for me at least, it was a good thing that I had heard it before last night. It kind of allowed me to brace myself in advance, as I knew what to expect. Consider this a warning...if you feel inclined to go out and buy tickets or the new DVD. Send the kids to bed BEFORE watching!)

So......there we were last night. Great tickets. Surrounded by a huge crowd of rowdy people. And here comes Ron White with 90 minutes of trash-talking comedy. Since I had heard much of the routine on DVD before, it allowed me to listen with one ear, while I watched all the people around us. It was interesting to watch people!! Who laughed at what? Was it courtesy laugh type laughter, or did it appear genuine? We had two age 60-ish couples seated directly in front of us that laughed at virtually nothing. Even from the backs of their heads, their posture in their seats suggested that they were just hoping that the whole show would be over soon, and that on the way out, they wouldn't see anybody they knew. I think maybe they were expecting the Smothers Brothers. Oops! Wrong show........

Overall, it was a fun experience! Made even better by the fact that Mike put a $20 bill into a slot machine in the casino, and almost immediately took out $237.00. Ka-Ching!

Casual reading....

Jennica and I made our usual stop this morning after her occupational therapy appointment in Olympia--the grocery store. Its our weekly chance to stock up on whatever gluten-free/dairy-free/egg-free/peanut-free supplies that we're running low on.

Anyway, getting to the point, I'm standing in the checkout line this morning with my 5-year-old, and my eyes wander over the fronts of the magazines, reading headlines. My eyes settle, a bit startled, on the cover of this month's Cosmopolitan. Best Sex Ever. Followed by some other words in smaller print. One of which was Badass. And then lower on the page, a title stated Bitch Something-Or-Other. Okay???.........Hmmm.

I've thought about this a lot today, and tried to think about exactly WHY it bugs me. To me, those are pretty adult-type words emblazoned in large print across the front of a very public newsstand. If you buy that magazine and find those types of articles on the inside of the magazine, so be it. You are then the consumer......and have made a choice to spend your money there. All the more power to you. I may not choose to spend my money in the same way, but I will defend to the death your right to make your own choices.

But standing in the checkout line, I found it offensive to realize that my children, simply by standing in a checkout line, are subjected to terminology and vocabulary that we deliberately try to avoid in our home. No.......Jennica can't read yet, but Tiersten can! And Jennica is getting close! We're trying to raise our children that you treat others with respect, and words like "bitch" and "bad-ass" are not terms that we choose to use. I don't think this is overly prude-ish of us. We don't live an overly-sheltered life.

So.....what happened to keeping the trashy stuff on the inside of the magazines? Have I missed something? When did we become so complacent that BITCH can be printed in very large letters on the cover of a magazine, and stacked at eye level in the grocery store aisle? Am I THAT old?? Sheesh. The Cosmo cover that I'm attaching is not this month's issue, but has several other words emblazoned on the cover that aren't rated E, for Everyone.

I guess this is further proof that sex sells, huh?

The swimsuit dilemma

Okay.....so we're getting ready to go on vacation in late June. I really want/need a new swimsuit, since mine is a couple of years old and, quite frankly, I intend to spend as much time as possible lying in the sun and playing in the water with the kids. What is the point to spending a bunch of money on going someplace with lots of sun and water if you're not going to enjoy it, right?

With that said, I don't know a single woman over 22 that feels 100% confident in a swimsuit. Period. Its just not the type of clothing that we feel good in. I could go on.....but you get it.

So.......what to buy? I'm pretty much at a point right now in my life where my body "is what it is." I would love to be in perfect shape, but the time that it takes to do that just isn't in my schedule right now unless we add a few hours to each day. And even then, let's face it, someone would find other things for me to do with that time. I should actually gain some time to work out in the fall when Jen starts kindergarten, but I'm not putting vacation on hold until my body looks perfect in a swimsuit. That's just reality and I'm learning to pick my battles. Laundry, appraisals, and Jennica's daily therapy schedules come before my thighs on the priority list at this point.

So.......I'm 40 years old and have four kids. What to wear that doesn't maximize any body flaws, doesn't look like I'm trying to be 18, doesn't scream senior citizen, doesn't embarrass my children and husband (or myself), or resemble a tent? I'm going for something that just says, "If you want to stare......go elsewhere. I'm here for the sun and the fun--not for your viewing pleasure. Now beat it. You're blocking my rays." Or I guess I could go for the string bikini and have the entire poolside to myself? :)

The honor of being their Mom

My family is my favorite part of my life. While I'm proud of my other accomplishments, too, the people that my children are becoming is definitely at the top of my list. I'm so proud of who they are and enjoy each of their unique personalities. Motherhood is so much work, but the rewards are also so worth it.

Let's start with Dane. My blond-haired, curly-headed, blue-eyed boy has grown a lot in the last few years. He towers over me in height now, and is tall and thin. He has a fantastic sense of humor, and has a wonderful ability to recognize his own strengths and weaknesses. As much as he would love to be one of those stellar athletes with talent to spare that can grab a ball from the air with the greatest of ease, he is fully aware that his athletic ability all comes from hard work. He's okay with that.....and I remind him regularly that a great work ethic and good attitude will take him much farther in life anyway. He's amazingly fantastic with his sisters and I SO appreciate his willingness to know when I'm at the end of my rope with Jennica, and he happily tells me to "take a break" and steps into a situation and talks her through it. If Dane is reading to them at bedtime, they always grab a Shel Silverstein poetry book, as that is one of his "special things" with the girls. And one of my very favorite things about Dane? His love and thirst for knowledge! I never know what he's going to find fascinating next, but its so fun to hear him be passionate about the gestational period of the African Sea Turtle, or have him ask me if I knew that the Statue of Liberty was worked on by the same guy that designed the Eiffel Tower, or quote the world records for the 100 meters in sequence from 1932. :)

And then there is Grant. My "sleeper" boy--in that most people see only the quiet side of him that appears to just sort of float through life in a fog. Its always interesting to hear people's reaction when they find out that beneath the calm exterior is a brain that never slows down and misses nothing. He has memorization skills to die for. If he sees it or hears it once, he never forgets it. And Grant has a mischievous streak that doesn't quit. His hazel eyes twinkle and the deep dimples appear in his cheeks and you'd better watch out! Interestingly enough, with our months of therapy with Jennica, we've recognized a number of sensory issues with Grant. The difference is that he is functioning at a full level, but it gives me new respect for why he's always hated loud noises and things like vacuum cleaners. He's a gifted student, particularly in mathematics, and I look forward to watching what path he chooses in life. Despite his light build, he is brutally tough in athletics, and has an inner drive to excel. I love to watch Grant's face when facing a challenge, and watching him on the football field is akin to David vs. Goliath--he refuses to back down!

Tiersten is a scrappy little thing. She and I clash almost constantly, because we're so much alike in so many ways--she absolutely hates to be told "no" and always wants her own way (Did I really just admit to that?). Tiersten is stunningly beautiful in a way that scares this Mom half to death. Her navy blue eyes are so dark that they're often mistaken for brown--until you look closer--and are the eyes that romance novels are written about. Her hair is so thick and has natural highlights of gold that people often assume that I have had her hair highlighted. Her olive skin is completely freckle-less (envy here) and she tans beautifully. Like the boys, Tiersten has a thirst for knowledge and breezes easily through school. She's competitive, and is driven to excel to her fullest by classmates that are learning at a similar level. But a girly-girl, she often goes through three outfits in the morning before settling on one. The girly stuff has been hard for me--as I would prefer that she climb trees and make mud pies for a few more years, but I'm beginning to accept that my choices are not to be Tiersten's choices. She is a beautiful free spirit with a full life ahead of her!

And Jennica. Beautiful, brown-eyed, blossoming Jennica. She is the most loving and trusting child I've ever known, and she is so thrilled by the smallest things. She gives the greatest hugs! It is so much fun to watch her blossoming and opening to the world, now that her brain is learning to control the world entering her senses. She's been a story of contradictions almost from the beginning. How can a child that is so obviously intelligent not be able to understand the logic behind some basic concepts? How can a child that loves music and movement determine on the first day of ballet that she emphatically hates it and announce that she's never going back? And on and on it goes. But she has taught me so much about the world around me, and that there are people that see and feel things differently. She's tested my commitment to parenting, and I've found out that I'm willing to do some things that are way outside my personal comfort zone in order to help my child succeed. I don't wonder anymore if I have the inner strength to fight for my child in the face of adversity. I'm watching her reaching for the stars AND catching them. There is no bigger thrill.

So, while Mother's Day is supposed to be about honoring our mothers, I have to say that being the Mom of my four kids......well.......the honor is all mine. I love them, not only because they are my children, but I love the person that each of them is becoming. They have brought so much joy to my life, and........maybe most of all..........I am a better person for having been their Mom.

100 miles per hour and out of control

For some reason, Jennica came home yesterday in total sensory overload. I wish we knew what set it off, but we probably will never know. In any case, it was an experience that we hadn't seen at that level in a month or more, and it was a HUGE reminder of how far we've come.

Mike's Mom has been here for a week staying with us, so we all decided to hit a local restaurant for dinner last night. I went to pick up boys after track practice, Mike and Gerri went and picked up the girls at the day care, and we all met at the restaurant. The instant that Jen walked into the restaurant, I knew she was "off" because she was immediately very clingy to me. She tends to be a little clingy with me anyway when she's tired, but this was beyond that. I tried to convince myself that I was imagining things, but within minutes, she was a "frog-on-a-hot-rock" and wouldn't sit down, which was another bad sign of things to come for our evening. For the next five minutes, she swung between clinging to me, and bouncing around the restaurant like a ping-pong ball. We got dinner ordered.......and then things deteriorated when the appetizer arrived and she LOUDLY demanded that they were all hers and she wasn't going to share. A typical fight ensued........but typical to a 2-year old, not a 5-year-old with good language skills. She did a lot of yelling! I did a lot of quietly trying to convince her to cooperate. Mike finally took her outside for a minute to catch her breath, and she came back calmer. But it didn't last.

I ended up literally having to feed her dinner one bite at a time. In the roughest days of months gone by, this was really typical when she went into overload, but we've gotten past that.....until last night. For whatever reason, when she loses the ability to reason, she also loses the logical ability to understand that food satisfies her hunger. And the hungrier she gets, the worse her reasoning skills get. Its a horrible downward spiral that used to result in hours of out-of-control behavior that we now know could have been corrected (or at least minimized) by a good meal. We also now know that there is a blood sugar issue involved when she's hungry (one that isn't diagnosing in usual blood tests), and that the hungrier she gets, the less her brain identifies hunger as the problem. Once again, its pretty common in sensory kids to have difficulty recognizing their body cues of hunger, cold, heat, etc.....but Jen has come a LONG way in these areas. Which added to the "shock factor" of dealing with it last night. I think I'd almost forgotten just how bad it can be.

About halfway through her dinner(which she had buried in ketchup in a fit), she started to improve, and started using her language again. Interestingly enough, she commented that she didn't like the music in the restaurant. We keep getting more and more hints that auditory input (sound) is HUGE for her. And oddly enough, in the middle of this, she kept asking, "What was that?" I finally figured out that she was asking about the bell in the kitchen that the cook rings when the next order is ready! Despite the music, all the conversations around us, the clang of dishes and eating utensils, etc..........she was picking that bell out each time it rang!

So....... we finally escaped the restaurant with everyone frazzled.......but alive and grateful to be out of there. We got home, only to have the next phase start when she flipped out over the noise from the lawnmower. More screaming and yelling. We got her in the bathtub, and watching a movie..........only to have her TOTALLY lose it when it was time to go to bed. By this time is was an hour past her normal bedtime, and we tried to skip her usual bedtime story on the premise that she had watched a movie and we would read tomorrow......Saturday. Seems reasonable, right? And in her usual behavioral state these days, she would have totally been able to understand that and hop in bed. But she just wasn't with us last night. After 5 minutes of screaming in her bed, we went to Plan B. Read the darn story! (There was a time not so long ago when I would have insisted that we said "no story tonight" so "stick to my guns" and "follow through". I am SO SO SO grateful that we've moved beyond that point! There is a time to hold your ground.........and a time to realize that she's not doing this to be a brat. She's out of control due to a brain issue and trying to prove a point is akin to punishing an Alzheimer's patient for forgetting things. Move on.....)

So........I read the story and she was sound asleep for the night within 10 minutes. Mike and I were both exhausted from the effort, and it was a huge reminder of just how far we've come. It took a solid hour for my blood pressure to return to normal, but eventually I relaxed and life moved on.

This morning, so far, she's just fine. No remnants of last night's sensory overload, and no clue as to what triggered it. I admit to having some tension in my neck this morning, just waiting for a behavioral explosion from her. She's fine...I'm not. The effort of the fight took a lot out of me. Always trying to pick up the clues and fend off the next fight before it comes........trying to think through what is causing it so you can eliminate it.........and wondering if you're being manipulated and walked all over by a very smart 5-year-old that knows how to push your buttons.

I had forgotten just how bad it could be. The bald spot on the top of her head is almost grown back in from where she was twisting her hair so badly that she pulled it all out. The scabs on her face from the last gluten rash are finally totally healed and gone. She's taking her supplements easily each day now. And she's sleeping all night every night. Thank you very much.......I think I could have done without the reminder of just how bad it can be. And the reminder that Sensory Processing Disorder never really goes away.

Just shoot me now.....

Ballet pictures were today. Which means that I spent over two hours in a crowded room full of hyperactive girls while they all had their individual photos taken in three different costumes, and had group photos in each costume, and had their hair done, and changed costumes, and fretted over make-up, and fretted over how to best attach the hair accessory for this costume, and fretted over getting the tights just right for that costume.......UGH! Of course, we've been doing ballet with Tiersten for months to get prepared for the upcoming recital, but this is my first experience with the whole ballet school in one place doing costume changes, and all that "stuff". Modesty was right out the window as the stress level climbed. I think the Jonas Brothers could have walked through the room and would not have even been noticed while the girls ripped off one outfit to hurriedly grab another and rush back to the photography set.

And Tiersten.........what to say. She LOVED every single stressful minute of the whole darn thing. She was SO in her element. I had taken my camera along, hoping to capture some backstage candids, but she kept glaring at me, as I was distracting her from her "duties". But I did manage to capture the one shot that I'm enclosing in her full stage make-up. Somebody just shoot me now. She's 6.......going on 16!

Making sense of Sensory Integration

While I was looking forward to our SPD class this weekend, I have to admit that it exceeded my expectations! So I've been thinking about exactly WHAT I gained from this class and here's what I come up with:
1)Did I hear anything that I hadn't heard before? No.
2)Was any of the information earth-shattering or shocking in its revelations? No.

So why was it so good?
I guess for me, the instructor managed to put ME into the position of the person with Sensory Processing Disorder. To some degree. I don't think we can EVER truly understand without having the disorder itself, but any understanding that we can gain is insight........Insight into what it might feel like to have our head floating through space with no awareness of where are legs are......and being made fun of in PE class because we trip over everything. Insight into what it feels like to be so painfully aware of the clothing on our bodies that we can't step scratching ourselves......ever. Insight into being so overwhelmed by the smell of candles in the aisle of a store that I can't go back into that store ever again.

And I got to experience firsthand what it feels like to sit on a ball chair in class. Did it help me stay awake? Or was it distracting to me? I got to chew potato chips, suck warheads, drink ice water, drink hot drinks, play with a huge variety of fidgets.........all for the sheer purpose of finding out what helped ME stay awake and attentive in class, in order that I might gain insight into what helps others stay awake and attentive. And through it all, we watched videos of a huge variety of children with a variety of manifestations of the disorder, and how the issues were worked through with a cognitive, patient, step-by-step approach.

Most of all, I think what I came away with is a new and profound understanding that human beings truly are UNIQUE. While this is pretty obvious, its also a great reminder!! I can't take my own preferences for what I like to fidget with, munch on, sit on, etc. and project those onto Jennica! Instead, I need to be patient and let her tell me! If not through words, then through her actions and responses. What does she seek out? What does she ask for? And what helps her succeed?

So I came home with an increased desire to listen twice as much as I talk. Listen and watch. And the answers will come.