Sunday, September 23, 2007

Eau de Football Socks

Before delving into the true subject matter of this post, I need to establish a few things:
1) I'm not a wimp. I can bury a deceased cat. I have shoveled endless mountains of horse poop. I have personally witnessed an autopsy on a cow (better known as a "post", which is short for post-mortem exam, and it was very fascinating). I will even pick up worms, spiders, and anything else except snakes. (NO SNAKES!)
2) I'm not a wuss. I am a parent of four, so I have caught vomit in my hands in a classy restaurant, I have changed diapers that exceeded the norm on the disgusting scale, and I have tried to discreetly remove dried boogers from a snotty nose.

So don't take it lightly when I say........MY SONS' FOOTBALL SOCKS ARE DISGUSTING!!

This is not our first year of football, nor is it our first year of sports. I have seen sweaty socks before. I have seen muddy socks before. And I have seen smelly socks before. In fact, I played sports myself, so I have had my own fair share of gross socks. But I gotta tell ya......for some reason, this year is different!

This year's football socks are appearing in my house with a stronger, more pungent, indescribable odor. And they are WET. This is the Pacific Northwest and we have had rain, so I know that part of the moisture is from the ground, but still.......EEEEEEWWWW. And when the arrive in my laundry room inside out, its all I can do to reach into them to turn them back right-side out, but if I don't, there are chunks of grass that are still there when they come out of the dryer. Now.....The logical solution is to insist that the boys turn them right-side out or they don't get washed, right? Been there and tried that and its simply not realistic. These boys get up at 6:30 am, are at school all day, don't get home from practice until after 6:00 pm, and still have homework to do and dinner to eat and fall into bed at 9:00 pm exhausted. As long as they are honor students, great citizens, and are considerate of their parents, I am willing to cut them some slack and deal with the socks.

But every time I reach into the laundry hamper and come out with a handful of wadded, wet, smelly socks, I can't help but wince. Give me blood and guts anyday! Football socks are NASTY!

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