Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Who I am?

I've suddenly found myself in an odd place. Somehow..........I'm no longer sure where I fit in life. The world has shifted around me, so while I have not moved, my position in it certainly has. Let me explain:

First, there is the economy. Housing prices have dropped nationwide, jobs are being lost all over (just lost two mills permanently in our neighboring city yesterday), and people are scrambling to find stable financial ground. My job as an appraiser has always been mostly a positive one. People buying homes, people refinancing to remodel or do something else they want to do.......an appraiser has a hand in all of that and people are excited to see us arrive, as it means that their dreams are moving forward. Now.....with the economic downturn, my job has a negative side to it that has always been there on rare occasions, but is now a frequent occurence. Valuation of homes hanging on the brink of foreclosure, valuation of homes already foreclosed upon, refinances on homes to pay off other debts, sales of homes where the home is not worth the asking price........it goes on and on. I am legally and ethically bound to give an honest opinion of value, but it is pretty common these days that nobody really wants that honest truth.

And second, I am now spending a LOT of time caring for Jennica's needs. Shopping/cooking a GFCF buffet of foods for her, collecting lab specimens and delivering/shipping them, therapy exercises, brushing exercises, running her to and from appointments, meeting with teachers, making more appointments. In most ways, she fits the definition of a "special needs" child. Which makes me a parent of a "special needs" child. But if I would dare to attend a support meeting for a group of special needs parents, I wouldn't fit. My child communicates normally. My child potty-trained normally at age 2. My child races around a playground and swings from the trees with the greatest of ease. A "blip" in her sensory processing, no matter how big of a blip, is still just a blip compared to a parent that is carrying their 8-year-old to the toilet, pushing a wheelchair into McDonalds, or living between hospitals.

And, so, my life has changed and I'm not sure right now where I quite fit in. It might take me some time to find my identity in uncharted waters.

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