Second verse......same as the first.......

Somehow, I had a mental picture that two weeks of un-appraising was going to give me time to re-organize, attend our doctor's appointments, do some computer updating, and a whole host of other things. I mean......TWO whole weeks!! It hasn't quite turned out that way and, ready or not, its time to add my career back into the schedule.

I can honestly say that, at this point, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to accomplish the things that now need to be done on a weekly/daily basis, and still have time to appraise. But the other option (no $$$) isn't acceptable either. I've never been in this position before. Every working Mom has to make some time management decisions at some time or other, but I've never been in a position that no matter HOW I managed my time, I still came up short. I've always been able to adjust something to somewhere else, prioritize a little here or there, and still make sure that everything got done. Now, short of living entirely without sleep, I keep coming up short on hours in the day. Obviously, it will work out one way or another, but it's going to be a challenge.

Both boys are happily buried up to their eyeballs in track & field. Personally, the thought of spending two+ hours each day trying to heave a metal ball into a sandpit farther than you did the last time, run faster around a circle than the time before, or catapulting yourself as high as possible into the air with a piece of pipe are not appealing to me. But I'm glad that they are able to knock themselves out enjoying these activities. Whatever works and I can appreciate the satisfaction that it obviously brings to them.

Tiersten landed herself a part in a play this week, and had her first performance this afternoon. More on this later.......

And Jennica has put almost 900 miles already this month in the suburban. I feel bad for her, as this is nobody's idea of a good time, but we needed to cross some final bridges before finalizing our current course of action for her SPD. We are now offically buried in a twice daily vision therapy program, once daily auditory therapy program, on top of the occupational therapy that is formally done once per week, and informally done 24/7. The neurology-head-honcho-guru has placed his blessing on our path, and has looked at us frankly and said that we are dotting every "i", crossing every "t" and leaving no stone un-turned. The doctor's appointments will now drastically decrease for her, other than the weekly OT, as the "deciding what to do" phase ends and the "doing it" phase progresses. The planning is over, and the real work now begins. And in the past 90 days, Mike and I have become experts in food allergy testing, vitamin/mineral supplements, applied behavioral therapies, metal toxins, rashes, visual processing, auditory processing, insurance coverage, and the lack of insurance coverage. We are pharmacists, chefs, therapists, psychologists, disciplinarians, coordinators, and.......oh yeah....parents. And in the next 60 days, we have to get very knowledgeable about the educational system and how we're going to approach it for a diagnosis that is known to exist, but won't be an officially-recognized medical diagnosis in the DSM until 2012. In other words, we have to convince the educational system to functionally support our daughter's educational needs based on functional need only, because her medical diagnosis will not be a legally-accepted diagnosis for another 3 years. Fortunately, this isn't a huge deal or unheard of. There are a lot of kids in the school systems that receive some additional help without a diagnosis, but you have to word it correctly and know the lingo. Its a little bit odd to be dealing, not only with an unofficial diagnosis, but with a diagnosis for which there is no Ronald McDonald House, no telethon, no insurance payments, and almost complete disarray in the medical community as to what they're going to do with these kids. The community of neuro-developmental disorders, which include ADHD, SPD, ODD, OCD, and Autism, are absolutely exploding with children. And yet, there is still little support except from within the community itself of families who carry the common thread of knowledge growing out of the day to day trial and error of dealing with these beautiful children living in a brain that processes differently than "normal". Whatever normal is.

And so I find myself at a point in life where I'm not sure where my path is leading. At the end of this two weeks, I feel more lost than I did before it. How do you ever know.......REALLY know........that you're making the right decisions and spending your time in the most productive way? Both for yourself, and for everyone around you?

I just posted a sign in our house that maybe best sums up the way I'm trying to live my life right now. It says: "Life itself is not the destination; it is the journey." One day at a time........