Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The so-true-that-its-funny gluten-free life!

Okay......Nobody "normal" is going to probably get the rolling-on-the-floor-crying-because-it-is-so-true-that-its-funny humor in this blog, but I'm posting it anyway. These are true-to-life examples of living in gluten-free! (I hijacked this, by the way! All credit to the original author, whoever they are!)

And a note from me: After 90 days gluten-free/casein-free/egg-free with Jennica, I honestly will read labels until the cows come home. Even with approaching it hoping for positive results, I never honestly believed that we would see the astonishing results that we have! She still has bad days........but has improved dramatically and is still improving. For the medical professionals out there that continue to mislead families with neuro-challenged children by telling them that "that diet thing" won't work so don't bother, SHAME ON YOU!!! I have witnessed the living proof!

if you don't remember what crackers are supposed to taste like.
if you actually have nightmares about reading labels.
if you compare all of your food to "normal-people-food."
if you cry when you discover a new way to make gluten-free bread. And call all your relatives.
if you know that Xantham Gum is not for chewing.
if you don't lick stamps.
if your mother is afraid to do the cooking.
if you know that spelt is a distant cousin of wheat, but buckwheat is not related to wheat at all.
if the construction workers working on the house next door to you can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.
if you burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words "gluten free" stamped on the corner of the Nestle hot cocoa mix.
if you actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.
if you forget to buy bun, rolls, bread, ect. at the store for all the gluten eaters of your family.
if you sold your house to buy groceries.
if you sold your first child to buy groceries.
if you can find "hidden gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye.
if you've actually suggested cardboard for dinner.
if you've actually eaten cardboard for dinner.
if you wept the first time you tried to make gluten free sugar cookies.
if you accept that fact that cardboard probably taste better than gluten free sugar cookies anyway.
if you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.
if you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
if you've "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.
if you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.
if it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is
if you've ever had to take out a loan to pay the grocery bill.
if you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste like
sawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.
if your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out PlayDoh.
if your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.
if one of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies".
if you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck
if you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.

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