The honor of being their Mom

My family is my favorite part of my life. While I'm proud of my other accomplishments, too, the people that my children are becoming is definitely at the top of my list. I'm so proud of who they are and enjoy each of their unique personalities. Motherhood is so much work, but the rewards are also so worth it.

Let's start with Dane. My blond-haired, curly-headed, blue-eyed boy has grown a lot in the last few years. He towers over me in height now, and is tall and thin. He has a fantastic sense of humor, and has a wonderful ability to recognize his own strengths and weaknesses. As much as he would love to be one of those stellar athletes with talent to spare that can grab a ball from the air with the greatest of ease, he is fully aware that his athletic ability all comes from hard work. He's okay with that.....and I remind him regularly that a great work ethic and good attitude will take him much farther in life anyway. He's amazingly fantastic with his sisters and I SO appreciate his willingness to know when I'm at the end of my rope with Jennica, and he happily tells me to "take a break" and steps into a situation and talks her through it. If Dane is reading to them at bedtime, they always grab a Shel Silverstein poetry book, as that is one of his "special things" with the girls. And one of my very favorite things about Dane? His love and thirst for knowledge! I never know what he's going to find fascinating next, but its so fun to hear him be passionate about the gestational period of the African Sea Turtle, or have him ask me if I knew that the Statue of Liberty was worked on by the same guy that designed the Eiffel Tower, or quote the world records for the 100 meters in sequence from 1932. :)

And then there is Grant. My "sleeper" boy--in that most people see only the quiet side of him that appears to just sort of float through life in a fog. Its always interesting to hear people's reaction when they find out that beneath the calm exterior is a brain that never slows down and misses nothing. He has memorization skills to die for. If he sees it or hears it once, he never forgets it. And Grant has a mischievous streak that doesn't quit. His hazel eyes twinkle and the deep dimples appear in his cheeks and you'd better watch out! Interestingly enough, with our months of therapy with Jennica, we've recognized a number of sensory issues with Grant. The difference is that he is functioning at a full level, but it gives me new respect for why he's always hated loud noises and things like vacuum cleaners. He's a gifted student, particularly in mathematics, and I look forward to watching what path he chooses in life. Despite his light build, he is brutally tough in athletics, and has an inner drive to excel. I love to watch Grant's face when facing a challenge, and watching him on the football field is akin to David vs. Goliath--he refuses to back down!

Tiersten is a scrappy little thing. She and I clash almost constantly, because we're so much alike in so many ways--she absolutely hates to be told "no" and always wants her own way (Did I really just admit to that?). Tiersten is stunningly beautiful in a way that scares this Mom half to death. Her navy blue eyes are so dark that they're often mistaken for brown--until you look closer--and are the eyes that romance novels are written about. Her hair is so thick and has natural highlights of gold that people often assume that I have had her hair highlighted. Her olive skin is completely freckle-less (envy here) and she tans beautifully. Like the boys, Tiersten has a thirst for knowledge and breezes easily through school. She's competitive, and is driven to excel to her fullest by classmates that are learning at a similar level. But a girly-girl, she often goes through three outfits in the morning before settling on one. The girly stuff has been hard for me--as I would prefer that she climb trees and make mud pies for a few more years, but I'm beginning to accept that my choices are not to be Tiersten's choices. She is a beautiful free spirit with a full life ahead of her!

And Jennica. Beautiful, brown-eyed, blossoming Jennica. She is the most loving and trusting child I've ever known, and she is so thrilled by the smallest things. She gives the greatest hugs! It is so much fun to watch her blossoming and opening to the world, now that her brain is learning to control the world entering her senses. She's been a story of contradictions almost from the beginning. How can a child that is so obviously intelligent not be able to understand the logic behind some basic concepts? How can a child that loves music and movement determine on the first day of ballet that she emphatically hates it and announce that she's never going back? And on and on it goes. But she has taught me so much about the world around me, and that there are people that see and feel things differently. She's tested my commitment to parenting, and I've found out that I'm willing to do some things that are way outside my personal comfort zone in order to help my child succeed. I don't wonder anymore if I have the inner strength to fight for my child in the face of adversity. I'm watching her reaching for the stars AND catching them. There is no bigger thrill.

So, while Mother's Day is supposed to be about honoring our mothers, I have to say that being the Mom of my four kids......well.......the honor is all mine. I love them, not only because they are my children, but I love the person that each of them is becoming. They have brought so much joy to my life, and........maybe most of all..........I am a better person for having been their Mom.

100 miles per hour and out of control

For some reason, Jennica came home yesterday in total sensory overload. I wish we knew what set it off, but we probably will never know. In any case, it was an experience that we hadn't seen at that level in a month or more, and it was a HUGE reminder of how far we've come.

Mike's Mom has been here for a week staying with us, so we all decided to hit a local restaurant for dinner last night. I went to pick up boys after track practice, Mike and Gerri went and picked up the girls at the day care, and we all met at the restaurant. The instant that Jen walked into the restaurant, I knew she was "off" because she was immediately very clingy to me. She tends to be a little clingy with me anyway when she's tired, but this was beyond that. I tried to convince myself that I was imagining things, but within minutes, she was a "frog-on-a-hot-rock" and wouldn't sit down, which was another bad sign of things to come for our evening. For the next five minutes, she swung between clinging to me, and bouncing around the restaurant like a ping-pong ball. We got dinner ordered.......and then things deteriorated when the appetizer arrived and she LOUDLY demanded that they were all hers and she wasn't going to share. A typical fight ensued........but typical to a 2-year old, not a 5-year-old with good language skills. She did a lot of yelling! I did a lot of quietly trying to convince her to cooperate. Mike finally took her outside for a minute to catch her breath, and she came back calmer. But it didn't last.

I ended up literally having to feed her dinner one bite at a time. In the roughest days of months gone by, this was really typical when she went into overload, but we've gotten past that.....until last night. For whatever reason, when she loses the ability to reason, she also loses the logical ability to understand that food satisfies her hunger. And the hungrier she gets, the worse her reasoning skills get. Its a horrible downward spiral that used to result in hours of out-of-control behavior that we now know could have been corrected (or at least minimized) by a good meal. We also now know that there is a blood sugar issue involved when she's hungry (one that isn't diagnosing in usual blood tests), and that the hungrier she gets, the less her brain identifies hunger as the problem. Once again, its pretty common in sensory kids to have difficulty recognizing their body cues of hunger, cold, heat, etc.....but Jen has come a LONG way in these areas. Which added to the "shock factor" of dealing with it last night. I think I'd almost forgotten just how bad it can be.

About halfway through her dinner(which she had buried in ketchup in a fit), she started to improve, and started using her language again. Interestingly enough, she commented that she didn't like the music in the restaurant. We keep getting more and more hints that auditory input (sound) is HUGE for her. And oddly enough, in the middle of this, she kept asking, "What was that?" I finally figured out that she was asking about the bell in the kitchen that the cook rings when the next order is ready! Despite the music, all the conversations around us, the clang of dishes and eating utensils, etc..........she was picking that bell out each time it rang!

So....... we finally escaped the restaurant with everyone frazzled.......but alive and grateful to be out of there. We got home, only to have the next phase start when she flipped out over the noise from the lawnmower. More screaming and yelling. We got her in the bathtub, and watching a movie..........only to have her TOTALLY lose it when it was time to go to bed. By this time is was an hour past her normal bedtime, and we tried to skip her usual bedtime story on the premise that she had watched a movie and we would read tomorrow......Saturday. Seems reasonable, right? And in her usual behavioral state these days, she would have totally been able to understand that and hop in bed. But she just wasn't with us last night. After 5 minutes of screaming in her bed, we went to Plan B. Read the darn story! (There was a time not so long ago when I would have insisted that we said "no story tonight" so "stick to my guns" and "follow through". I am SO SO SO grateful that we've moved beyond that point! There is a time to hold your ground.........and a time to realize that she's not doing this to be a brat. She's out of control due to a brain issue and trying to prove a point is akin to punishing an Alzheimer's patient for forgetting things. Move on.....)

So........I read the story and she was sound asleep for the night within 10 minutes. Mike and I were both exhausted from the effort, and it was a huge reminder of just how far we've come. It took a solid hour for my blood pressure to return to normal, but eventually I relaxed and life moved on.

This morning, so far, she's just fine. No remnants of last night's sensory overload, and no clue as to what triggered it. I admit to having some tension in my neck this morning, just waiting for a behavioral explosion from her. She's fine...I'm not. The effort of the fight took a lot out of me. Always trying to pick up the clues and fend off the next fight before it comes........trying to think through what is causing it so you can eliminate it.........and wondering if you're being manipulated and walked all over by a very smart 5-year-old that knows how to push your buttons.

I had forgotten just how bad it could be. The bald spot on the top of her head is almost grown back in from where she was twisting her hair so badly that she pulled it all out. The scabs on her face from the last gluten rash are finally totally healed and gone. She's taking her supplements easily each day now. And she's sleeping all night every night. Thank you very much.......I think I could have done without the reminder of just how bad it can be. And the reminder that Sensory Processing Disorder never really goes away.

Just shoot me now.....

Ballet pictures were today. Which means that I spent over two hours in a crowded room full of hyperactive girls while they all had their individual photos taken in three different costumes, and had group photos in each costume, and had their hair done, and changed costumes, and fretted over make-up, and fretted over how to best attach the hair accessory for this costume, and fretted over getting the tights just right for that costume.......UGH! Of course, we've been doing ballet with Tiersten for months to get prepared for the upcoming recital, but this is my first experience with the whole ballet school in one place doing costume changes, and all that "stuff". Modesty was right out the window as the stress level climbed. I think the Jonas Brothers could have walked through the room and would not have even been noticed while the girls ripped off one outfit to hurriedly grab another and rush back to the photography set.

And Tiersten.........what to say. She LOVED every single stressful minute of the whole darn thing. She was SO in her element. I had taken my camera along, hoping to capture some backstage candids, but she kept glaring at me, as I was distracting her from her "duties". But I did manage to capture the one shot that I'm enclosing in her full stage make-up. Somebody just shoot me now. She's 6.......going on 16!

Making sense of Sensory Integration

While I was looking forward to our SPD class this weekend, I have to admit that it exceeded my expectations! So I've been thinking about exactly WHAT I gained from this class and here's what I come up with:
1)Did I hear anything that I hadn't heard before? No.
2)Was any of the information earth-shattering or shocking in its revelations? No.

So why was it so good?
I guess for me, the instructor managed to put ME into the position of the person with Sensory Processing Disorder. To some degree. I don't think we can EVER truly understand without having the disorder itself, but any understanding that we can gain is insight........Insight into what it might feel like to have our head floating through space with no awareness of where are legs are......and being made fun of in PE class because we trip over everything. Insight into what it feels like to be so painfully aware of the clothing on our bodies that we can't step scratching ourselves......ever. Insight into being so overwhelmed by the smell of candles in the aisle of a store that I can't go back into that store ever again.

And I got to experience firsthand what it feels like to sit on a ball chair in class. Did it help me stay awake? Or was it distracting to me? I got to chew potato chips, suck warheads, drink ice water, drink hot drinks, play with a huge variety of fidgets.........all for the sheer purpose of finding out what helped ME stay awake and attentive in class, in order that I might gain insight into what helps others stay awake and attentive. And through it all, we watched videos of a huge variety of children with a variety of manifestations of the disorder, and how the issues were worked through with a cognitive, patient, step-by-step approach.

Most of all, I think what I came away with is a new and profound understanding that human beings truly are UNIQUE. While this is pretty obvious, its also a great reminder!! I can't take my own preferences for what I like to fidget with, munch on, sit on, etc. and project those onto Jennica! Instead, I need to be patient and let her tell me! If not through words, then through her actions and responses. What does she seek out? What does she ask for? And what helps her succeed?

So I came home with an increased desire to listen twice as much as I talk. Listen and watch. And the answers will come.

A weekend away......sort of

Several months ago, our OT told us about an upcoming weekend class at a regional hospital on Sensory Processing Disorder. We immediately jumped on the bandwagon, and started making preparations for both of us to attend. Well......that weekend has arrived, so tonight, we head to the big city for two days of SPD classes. We're staying in a nice hotel and the whole works. Mike and I are both looking forward to the time away together, but it should be interesting to see how we do sitting all day from 8:00-5:00. Although we are both "desk jockeys" to some extent, our jobs are also a lot of "up-and-down". I'm hoping that there will be lots of crowd participation in the afternoons to keep us awake!

In any case, as soon as we heard about the class, we passed the word along to our preschool teacher. She ran with the information, and lo-and-behold....our school district is paying for her to attend AND our school's occupational therapy assistant! This is totally AWESOME! I love our school district!!!

So......while its hardly going to be a vacation, the whole concept of 2 days away from home and the kids sounds pretty darn good at the moment! And we're hoping to gain some new enlightenment to help Jennica, which is the most important thing of all.

And upon returning home next week, we will finally be testing for the amino acid levels in her body. I haven't talked much about this issue, but it is a huge step forward and I'll explain more on this next week!

Have a great weekend!

Prayers for Miss Marlee

Anybody remember Jennifer, my friend that used to work for me here at Precision Appraisals?

Jennifer's 6-month-old baby girl, Marlee, was diagnosed recently with neuroblastoma. They are pretty much living in a Portland hospital at the moment, while Marlee undergoes a whole host of tests to determine exactly how far the cancer has invaded her little body, and to insert the pic line and all that stuff that will prepare her for next week's surgery schedule.

While I haven't seen much of Jennifer since she moved an hour away in 2007, she is very much in my thoughts and prayers right now. Her two older children are staying with family, while she helps Marlee fight for life. Jen is the ultimate "Barricuda-Mom" (a real sweetheart....as long as you don't mess with her kids).

Please join me in praying and cheering for Marlee and her recovery!
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/marleeannhughes

Social networking for business purposes?

This afternoon, I had the opportunity to attend a business presentation for a couple of hours at our local community college. The title was, "Formula for Success". In these trying times, I thought it might be interesting, so I went. Appraisers are notorious loners when it comes to stuff like this (due not a little to our drastic rise and fall of our current popularity based on the most recent valuations we've submitted, and how high/low they were compared to the desired figure...), but I try to break that mold as often as possible. So, I donned the business suit from the back of the closet......and off I marched.

The presentation was surprisingly well done! In depth enough to be informative, without being so in-depth that they lost the audience. Lots of action, crowd participation, all the elements that are important. I was impressed!

The topic(s) surrounded how to improve your business at ANY time, which is even more important in times of economic challenges. Basically, putting yourself in the shoes of your customers/clients and seeing what THEY see. Does the business do things to attract your business? Or are you just there because there is no other option? Is the signage neat and clear? How is customer service? What does this business offer that is different from their competitors? Would you become a repeat customer? What else can we offer? And finally, how can it be attracting new customers?

Some of the topics didn't apply to me, as the appraisal business can be contentious by sheer nature. Strict federal guidelines limit who we can share certain information with and how the influence on the final opinion of value is prohibited. It goes on and on and on.......really. My ethics manual is several hundred pages long and is updated every two years. Its really crucial stuff to those of us that value the profession, but few people are aware of this side of my industry. That's okay........honestly. I mean, let's face it. The reason I hire a licensed electrician to do electrical work on my home is because I expect him/her to know the current electrical codes so I don't have to.......right? Appraisers SHOULD be the same way. Part of what I'm paid for is to know the federal regulations necessary to my profession.

But with that said, sometimes things like "customer service" aren't easy with an appraisal business. I can't advertise and say, "10% off all appraisals with a value over $400,000 this week". It would be a severe ethical violation. And I'm not always going to give the property owner the value they were hoping for. Period. And I can't call that property owner and say, "Let's just do a drive-by appraisal, because your house is a real dump on the inside, but the outside looks pretty good!" Those decisions are made by the lenders and others......not the appraiser. So..........customer service is different with my business.

And then they got to the topic of social networking. The speaker encouraged everyone to join Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. and network their business! Hmmmmmmmm.......Once again, the speaker had some valid points. If you run a motel. Or a travel business. Or a bookstore. But I'm not sure how to embrace my ethical regulations, while supposedly marketing through social networking. Particularly since there are strict regulations that prohibit a property owner walking into a bank and saying, "I want to apply for a mortgage and I want this specific appraiser that I met on MySpace to appraise my house." No can do there. The borrower can't select the appraiser.

So........I don't know. I gotta think about this. If I can meet potential lenders this way, okay.....? I think? Are lenders out there on Twitter looking for appraisers? Seems kinda odd to me. Any thoughts?

Success.......the second time around!

Jennica earned enough quarters finally to get her new "Fancy Nancy" book. Wahoo! More evidence of getting the whole idea of positive behavior= positive consequences. Is that "logic" we see blossoming?

The lack of science in an overabundance of opinions

In the past month, I've noticed increasing media attention on the issue of vaccine safety--a subject already beaten pretty hard. With Jennica's neuro-developmental issues, I've done a LOT of reading about the topic, and on both sides of the issue. I feel like I've made myself pretty well-informed, but also realize that its an emotional issue and haven't felt totally confident in expressing my own opinions on this blog. Suffice it to say that, with Jennica's genetic history, I do not feel that she should have been vaccinated on the schedule that the American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends. Vaccinated? Yes......but at a much slower rate that would have allowed for a better measurement of response. Instead, we now know that her body does not have the full ability to remove toxins at a rate that allows her body to keep up with the dose of mercury contained (as a preservative) in many vaccines. Is that part of the reason for her SPD? We'll never know.......but it would be interesting to know if her biological relatives also have toxic loads that their bodies remove sluggishly. Those are answers that might be important to her as she moves toward adulthood, and could affect the decisions she makes in the future for her own children!

In any case, I recently ran across an article written by Jim Carrey. He manages to present the information in a straightforward manner, and allows for both sides of the issue to maintain their dignity. Rather than arguing the whole thing for the next however-many years, I wish we could all sit down and approach it with as much logic as he has. Read......think........weigh......debate........and respect. Hats off to Jim Carrey! I'm not a big fan of his acting, but give a loud "Bravo!" for his efforts here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-carrey/the-judgment-on-vaccines_b_189777.html

Jennica-isms

With Jennica's blossoming communication, we're suddenly getting some very funny moments. Last weekend, I was in the bathroom fixing my hair and overheard some muttered bickering between the girls. I'm not sure what started it, but it suddenly got loud rather quickly when Jen suddenly shrieked, "Tiersten, STOP THAT!!! Or I'll turn you into a toad!!!"

Tiersten cracked up laughing, which diffused the whole situation. But it was still really funny! Apparently, Jen is under the impression that she CAN turn someone into a toad, which adds to the humor.

And then on Monday morning, she wandered into our bedroom as I was coming out of the shower. She has the most sincere way of expressing her affections, and that morning, she looked at me with complete adoration and said, "Mommy, I looooove you!" As I prepared to respond, she added, "......but I really don't like it when you're naked! Put some clothes on!" And with that, she turned around and slammed the door.

Alright-y! Thank you for sharing that, Jen! :)

Time to get a little more serious....sniff sniff sniff

I went back to the naturopath today, after 6 weeks of Vitamin B12 shots every five days, MASSIVE doses of Vitamin D, and trying to limit intake of dairy and cane sugar. Things didn't go real well. My B12 is climbing, but very slowly, and is still several hundred points below a minimal level of normal. My levels of D are also climbing, but also far too slowly for satisfaction.

So........in other words, I've been busted. I have not been near as diligent as I need to be with the dietary changes, and it shows. As long as I'm continuing to consume substances that my body fights (allergens...in my case, dairy & cane sugar), the antibodies will remain at very high levels in my blood, and the nutrients that my body needs to function properly will not be absorbed. I might as well just throw the shots and the vitamin supplements down the drain. My body is too busy fighting the allergic substances to be able to heal itself.

Honestly........I'm rather bummed, despite knowing that I've done it to myself. This is not going to be as simple as swallowing a daily pill and I'm "cured." I witness the positive impacts of the STRICT dietary changes on Jennica, but I don't have the self-control to follow the same rules? In some ways, its much easier to be a child on a dietary system. Jennica eats what we send with her, or put in front of her. She doesn't have the freedom to hop in the Durango and run down to Subway to grab a quick lunch, with cheese on the sandwich, and a cookie (or two). But thats a lousy excuse. I'm going to have to "buck up" or live with the joint pain and other effects of deficiencies, and then live with the long-term effects of what it will eventually do to my bones and internal systems.

Choices choices choices. My doctor, who also follows a very strict diet for totally different health reasons, fully admits to the difficulties of following it day-after-day once the novelty wears off. She literally claims to have dreams about eating M & Ms. Funny........unless you live it. She also claims that she can "taste" them in the morning when she wakes up. A cruel joke that her brain plays on her! And rather scary.........when a handful of M & M's would land her in a hospital.

So....I think I'm looking for a Dairy & Sugar Addicts Anonymous Club. "Hello......My name is Beth. I'm addicted AND BADLY ALLERGIC to ALL substances derived from the milk of ALL animals, and sugar cane." Step 1?

Welcome, Christine!!

I loved my suburban from the day we bought it. But considering that we put an average of over 2,000 miles per month on our primary vehicle, the miles on it were climbing higher than we really liked. So about two months ago, I casually mentioned to Mike that, perhaps, we should consider our options.

So.....consider we did. It turned out that our suburban, even with the high miles, was a desirable vehicle to some dealers. So, we ended up with a 2008 LOADED Dodge Durango with super-low miles and every option imaginable. Even better......we walked away with cash in our pocket. While I'm sure that we're going to miss the extra cargo room in the rear at times, the seating comfort is actually very similar, even with all six of us on board.

Mike very quickly nicknamed the new rig "Christine", as we keep finding more things that "she" does on her own. She auto-dims the headlights to oncoming traffic and auto-brightens them again after the vehicle passes. The front and second-row seats are all heated. The side mirrors adjust and re-adjust each time you shift into reverse. There is a rear back-up camera on the console (not a bad thing with a new teen driver in the family). The driver's seat is memory-coded, along with the heat settings based on which key unlocks the rig. The moon-roof has this cool little wind-blocker thingy that pops up. Even the rear hatch is power-opening AND power-closing at the touch of a button. The radio and DVD system is all touch screen......which we still haven't totally mastered........but I did manage to figure out how to load a photo of the kids on the little screen. Yep.....Christine fits. Creeeeeepyyyy.

Its always fun having a new vehicle. I still hate to give up the emotional attachment that I had to my suburban, but maybe I can grow to love Christine.

Even a new photo of Mike!!!!

Michael--When today is just a memory, I'll still be loving you! :)

Jennica & Friends

Jennica had a BLAST at her party today! Here they all are......hanging out. Jennica in front, with the back row from left-to-right: Tiersten, Patsy, Katie, & Isabelle. What a great group of girls!

Messing around with formatting

I decided it was time to make some changes here! Let me know what you think of the new layout!!

Sleepless

After midnight........and I CAN'T SLEEP!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. But I found this quote:

"Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night.....without the satisfaction." Lynn Johnston

I have a bottle of Vanilla Vodka in the kitchen, but no cream soda. And maybe a bottle of rum, but no strawberries to make anything worthwhile. And a blender would wake up the whole house anyway. Hmmmm.........I think I'm outta luck. There will be no midnight margaritas for me tonight. Perhaps I shall go stare at the ceiling some more. Or wake up Mike. There is nothing more annoying than being wide awake with a soundly sleeping husband beside you.

One thing is guaranteed........I will be soundly asleep and very tired when its time to get up in the morning!

Birthdays birthdays everywhere......

Photos of Tiersten(in red) bowling with friends (Hannah, Madeline, & Emmerson) at her 6th birthday party. And Jennica on her new bike.

The girls' birthdays being only 6 days apart usually makes for some chaos around here. We've always combined parties in the past, but they are now old enough that we are trying to really separate their birthdays a bit, to treat them like the individuals that they are. Let's face it........if their birthdays were 2 months apart, they would have separate parties, right? Why don't they deserve the same treatment, even though their birthdays fall within one week?

With that said, I think the hardest part to this year has been accomodating Jennica's diet so that she could fully participate. The day-to-day stuff we've got down........but the special occasions are still a pain. GFCF cupcakes with GFCF frosting.......coconut milk ice cream that has to be purchased at a store an hour away......Bottom line, it all just takes a little planning. And, once again, the benefits of sticking to the diet regime have been so overwhelmingly beneficial that we don't hesitate. But it does take planning!'

So, last night, I made another batch of cupcakes for Round 2. She's demolished the coconut milk chocolate ice cream that we had bought for her to have at Tiersten's party, so she's going to be without that today. I will pick some more up tomorrow when we run to Olympia for occupational therapy, so she can have it this weekend for her "kid party."

Its hard to believe that they are 5 & 6! Where has the time gone?

A moment of peace......

As I stated yesterday, today I had a HUGE stack of inspections. I promised myself a year or two ago that I would NEVER inspect more than 5 properties in one day EVER again. I've been breaking that rule a lot lately, and it makes for some confusion if I'm not really organized. In any case, despite so many places to be today, I actually buzzed through them in record time and I'm back at the office with 45 minutes or so left to "burn" before I have to pick up kids. I'm sure that I could find something to do to get a jump on tomorrow's due dates, but NAH........I'm going to update my blog instead. :)

In the past few weeks, I haven't said too much about Jennica's progress. We've finally fallen into a routine of sorts, and she completes 5 minutes of vision therapy 5 days/week and 10 minutes of auditory therapy 5 days/week--both here at home. On top of that, we still attend occupational therapy in Olympia once per week. The vision therapy is by far the toughest to stay motivated with. Probably because we're also seeing the least benefit there. The auditory therapy is having some really amazing results and we're seeing some serious progress. Some "Wahoo!" moments lately are as follows:

1) We were in a big building recently with both girls and they were racing around like maniacs and yelling to make the place echo. Jennica suddenly sat down and said, "Tiersten, we have GOT to settle down!" Mike and I both almost fell over in shock. This is a HUGE step for a sensory-seeking child. The ability to "sense" that her behavior is out of control is an improvement all by itself. The ability to verbalize it to her sister and know that sitting down is going to help her regain control is a HUGE improvement. Wahoo!

2) The girls have one of those little battery-powered Barbie jeeps, but Jen has always flatly refused to drive it more than very short distances. Even that took a ton of cajoling and chatting with her. Last weekend, we got it out after several months parked in the garage and, much to our amazement, she piled in the driver's seat and took off across the lawn. And didn't stop!!! She confidently zipped all over the place! With education, we now are able to understand that the reason that she didn't like to drive it before was that the "motor planning" (or praxis) prevented her from feeling like she could do multiple things at once, which is what is required for driving. The visual input of where she wants to go.......the steering........stepping on the gas pedal.......stepping on the brake as needed......shifting........It was all too much. But her motor planning has come SO FAR since last November that she obviously feels far more comfortable tackling this type of activity. Wahoo!

3) She's consistently dressing herself! Typical to a sensory-seeking child, she often has her shoes on the wrong feet and her shirt backwards (try it......can't you "feel" your feet better if you put your shoes on the wrong feet? Can't you feel the tag itching you on the chin? You and I have learned that its uncomfortable, but she still prefers to FEEL rather than to not feel.) Just glad to have her tackling multi-step sequential tasks ON HER OWN. Of course, sometimes her clothing choices are a little odd. I'm trying to just go with the flow. We'll teach her later that polka dotted shirts don't usually go with flowered pants.

4) The auditory therapy is making a HUGE difference in how she's responding and interacting with the world of NOISE. I take my own hearing so much for granted, that I never realized until now, how much we use our sense of hearing. Watching Jen progress through TEACHING her brain and her ears to communicate has been a fascinating process so far. For the first time in her life, she is turning instantly to the source of sounds. (I didn't realize before how much she was using her EYES to determine the source of sounds. Now its obvious.) She is beginning to shut out conversations that are not directed at her!! Another HUGE step, and a crucial one for functioning in every day life!!! And lastly, she is verbally telling us that things are uncomfortable. Last night, she walked up to me in the family room while I was vaccuuming, with her hands crammed over her ears, and yelled, "ARE YOU ALMOST DONE??!!!???" No lying on the floor screaming. No running to her room and slamming the door! Wahoo!

5) And lastly, she's verbal verbal verbal. She's always been considered to be developmentally on target for speech, so I didn't realize how much her speech would change with progress. But now........we're getting much less whining and squawking at us, and a whole lot more chatter. When Mike was wrestling with the girls the other night, she even stood up and said, "You're out of order!!" (We'll work on the mouthy-ness later.) Before, if she was ready to quit wrestling, she would have cried, or whined, or started hitting. Now.......its WORDS!!! Words are the key to normal functioning and coping skills!!! If she can explain whats upsetting her, we can help her find solutions. Wahoo!!!

So on with the gluten-free casein-free peanut-free egg-free life. Our naturopath tried a bizarre voodoo healing technique for the egg allergy, but it doesn't seem to have worked. We let her have a GFCF cupcake on Saturday with eggs in it, and peeled her off the ceiling through part of Sunday. Living without eggs is not a big deal anyway. She'll live. She doesn't like eggs by themselves anyway. Its just the ingredient factor that we hate to lose with eggs (such as in cupcakes).

Just nice to see some really solid results. Wahoo!

The cons of self-employment

Today was Easter. I wouldn't really say that it rained. It poured. Sideways. And the wind blew. The Easter bunny hid his loot indoors. Smart rabbit. My daughters wore their new sleeveless spring dresses to church. If I were a nice Mom, I would have let them wear them with rubber boots to get from the sidewalk to the front door. Instead, they wore their cute little white shoes and got wet. Hey......Its EASTER darnit. And they're girls. They need to learn sooner in life rather than later that you sometimes make sacrifices for fashion. :)

Anyway.....I worked all day. In other words, that last post about how many balls I can keep in the air? I'm pretty much sucking at it. In my defense, Tiersten's birthday was Thursday, which meant a kid party and a family party yesterday. And all the planning that goes with keeping the house tidy, cakes, food, a gluten-free food for Jennica that she can "party" with.....blah blah blah. And Jennica actually went to a birthday party of a friend yesterday, which also meant sending her to the party with her own food, GFCF cupcakes, etc. and explaining to the Mom why Jennica couldn't eat their food. (A HUGE thank you to Louise for not even batting an eyelash when I presented her with a wrapped gift for Brooke, and a handful of tupperware containers containing Jen's lunch and treats. Louise is a nurse and she totally "got it"!!! This is not really a "comfortable" thing to do, so I am VERY appreciative of her great attitude!!) And then, of course, we dyed Easter eggs yesterday and folded about 90 loads of laundry, as we somehow got behind on that this week and it threatens to overtake the house when that happens.....

So.......today, I was at my computer completing appraisals. Happy Easter! Bah Humbug! But.......it is one of the trade-offs of self-employment that I have to accept. There are a ton of pros and I've benefitted hugely. But, boy, I know how to whine when the cons get me down. I had simply had a report or two last week take longer than anticipated, and that was enough to put me two reports behind today. When you're a self-employed "lone ranger", its hard to tell the client, "I'm SO sorry, but we've fired that employee and your report will be delivered ASAP." And the excuses of, "I had family commitments," only go so far and you can only use that excuse once in awhile. If you want to be considered an appraiser that is highly-respected in the field, you have to stand by your deadlines.

I'm not caught up.......until tomorrow morning. I have a STACK of appraisal inspections tomorrow. Its good to be employed........its good to be employed........its good to be employed.........right?

Jennica's birthday is this Wednesday, we've got two track meets, and heaven-only-knows-what-else. This week, I'm sure, will prove to be another busy one.

NOW what??!!???

The photo is a pretty accurate depiction of what MY desk looks like right now. Due to a number of things, I'm suddenly buried in work again. Not that things ever got really slow......but its like someone unleashed a flood. So I think I'm going to find out very quickly....just how many balls can I keep in the air at once?

Principal Hired!

Our high school principal is retiring at the end of this school year which, of course, means that we have to find a new one. Some idiotic demented stupid...scratch that.....brilliant person knew that I would be a wonderful addition to the hiring committee, so I was asked to be involved in the hiring process. After some meetings to review applications, check references, compare notes, etc., we interviewed six applicants this past Tuesday. It was almost a 12-hour day of interviewing, touring, eating, snacking, interviewing, touring, lunch, dinner.....a LONG day. I didn't expect so much food to be involved!

In any case, our new principal is now officially hired! He's been in the education business for many moons, and has literally done it ALL! Teacher, coach, principal, superintendent.....you name it, he's done it. The thing that really excited us about this guy? He HAS done it all and wants to finish his career with daily interaction with KIDS. For me, that was a big positive. I think that a high school principal needs to like kids more than power. He has a resume and a stack of references that would allow him to go anywhere and do any job in education. But he wants to be in a small school in Southwest Washington and work with KIDS. YOU'RE HIRED!!!

And perhaps even more interesting for me was getting to know some of our other school leaders in this process of hiring. Some of the teachers on the committee were my teachers in high school. All of them have had or will have my children in class at some point. The school board members are all fellow parents and community members that I know to various degrees. The other community members asked to participate are also known to me, in one form or other. I even knew all the students involved in the process. The dynamics of such a diverse group trying to make a complex decision was fascinating to be a part of!! Every applicant that interviewed had positive attributes and it was fascinating to see how different views weigh the different strengths.

Perhaps, most interesting of all, was watching our superintendent interact and lead the entire group. I've never worked with Steve on a project before--he has always struck me as very quiet and maybe a even little withdrawn. I walked away from this process with newfound respect. He did a really outstanding job focusing the group and making sure that everyone had the opportunity to contribute.

In any case, I think we did a fantastic job and look forward to getting to know our new principal. I'm honored to have been a part of this process, and was impressed by the passion that everyone brought to this challenge. Welcome Aboard, Principal Dale Bowen!!!

Grant's first track meet

So.......Grant had his first meet today. No pole vault. This was an "away" meet and the host school doesn't have this event. Probably not a bad thing, as Grant's not quite ready anyway.

But he ran the 1600 meters (yes......1600 in WA State........its weird.......I know.....), the 800 meters, the 110 hurdles, and jumped triple jump. He came home with three first places and a fifth place. No too shabby! Unfortunately, I was wrapped up with Dane's self-led school conference this afternoon after a long day in the field, so I only got to see him run the 800 meters. But frankly, I was impressed! My original thought when he came off the starting line was that he was going WAY too fast and would never been able to hold his pace. Much to my surprise, he DID hold that pace through the entire race and still had a little "kick" left at the end. He led it wire-to-wire.

And I have decided that there is something obscenely thrilling about cheering your kid on as they run for home. "RUN! RUN! Pick it up!!" Here he was, out of breath at the end of his second lap, giving it his all, and we want more? I think I'd just quit right there. "What? Do I not look like I'm going as fast as I can? You get your fanny out here and try this!!"

Anyway, Grant's attitude is far better than mine, of course. And I'm still very impressed. Who would've thunk that the scrawny little turkey could run like that? Heh. Go figure. I'm excited to see him continue to challenge himself!

No explanation

There is some history behind the hats. I'm not going to try to explain it. My sisters will "get it." Grant manages to put a "gang-spin" on his. Still......I don't think either boy will ever be seen in them again. This was a one-time photo shoot. :)

The Wrestler

These photos are kind of late, but a friend took them during wrestling season and just got them to me. Dane did well as a freshman! He ended up one place out of qualifying for State and, more importantly, really grew as a person during the season. While I'm still nagging him about his low body weight, going from an end-of-the-season wrestling weight to running his fanny off every day at track isn't real conducive to weight gain. He's up to 5'11" and still below 150 pounds. Grrrr. In any case, he seems to know that he is too low, so I will have to trust that it will come up when the exercise decreases. He's eating like a horse, and hasn't been sick at all this year, so thats something to be thankful for. Enjoy the photos!

Grant, the human catapult

For kids in Raymond, their first opportunity for competitive track & field comes in the seventh grade. Grant has always played baseball in the spring on our community rec league(we don't have baseball/softball in our school), but this year, he's decided to try something "new" and he's sticking with the spring sports offering at the school.

I've been bugging him for awhile about what events he planned to attack. Grant is on the quiet side anyway, and at first, I got just a shrug. And then he started to give me a one-word answer, "Distance." I encouraged him in that decision, as he has some very speedy kids in his class that will easily dominate the sprints. And the distance events have historically not been strong for Raymond in the past few years. With Grant's wiry build, I can see him really excelling here, which would be good for him personally, AND his team. A win-win situation.

His brother is a "thrower", but when I mentioned a few possible field events to add to his repertoire, Grant didn't seem too interested. He thought maybe long jump, triple jump, or high jump all might be fun to try.

And then came a surprise announcement two weeks ago. Due to a hefty donation from our local foundation (Thank you, LV Raymond), Raymond would be pole vaulting this year for the first time in.....probably 15 years?? The pole vaulting lane and pit slab were poured 3 years ago when the new track/football stadium was built behind our new high school, but the funds for new mats and equipment have been lacking. Grant's eyes instantly glossed over!! POLE VAULT!!!

Personally, I need to say that the thought of catapulting myself into the air with a very long pole and free-falling from said height is not something that gets me excited. I like to watch it on TV, but I have a very realistic acceptance that I would fall flat on my face if I ever attempted this event. I fall flat on my face enough as it is, but I try to hold those moments to non-spectator events.

But Grant.....he was definitely and instantly staking a claim as a kid that wanted, at the very least, to be at the front of the line to give it a try. Once again, he's not usually real vocal, so if he expresses a solid interest, you have to read that as a jumping up-and-down level of excitement.

Track practice started March 9th, so he's had roughly two weeks. Maybe five of those days he's actually gotten to practice on pole vault. There are only two junior high boys that have opted to participate in this event, and Spencer, the other boy, is over 6 feet tall. The coaches have gotten "certified" at the University of Washington, but there are still some issues with trying to get enough practice time on the event. Grant and Spencer are practicing with the four high school boys that are also "crazy enough" to give it a try. (The crazy part comes with the free-fall after you're over the pole. At least according to the kids.)

In any case, Grant has felt mediocre about his first few practices. Its harder to "get up" than he thought it would be, and the hand-hold on the pole is awkward and different than what he says feels natural. Okay......thats reasonable. And then came a HUGE boost of confidence! He helped at the first high school home meet this week and the WINNING height was 8 foot. Not a great height obviously, but Grant cleared 8 foot, 6 inches in his fourth practice!!! And all the sudden, his doubts in himself started to disappear. He might actually be able to be competitive at this!!

So, as of this writing, he is three days from his first meet. It is still questionable as to whether Raymond will be allowed to vault at this first meet, due to their overall low number of practices on the event. (The restrictions for pole vault are higher than any other event. Good thing.) However, he is a committed human catapult now, and is applying himself to it with gusto. Frankly, I wish the landing pad was bigger. Like a LOT bigger, as my view from the parking lot doesn't look like he ever lands in the middle. And why do we require our children to wear bike helmets, but not helmets for pole vault? Think about that one for me?

But, then again, his smile makes it all worth my "Mom-worrying." He's having a blast! So he will be running a distance event or two, and competing as a human catapult.

My Martha Stewart phase has passed...

When we started this gluten-free thing in December, I admit that I was totally desperate for SOMETHING/ANYTHING that might make life easier with Jen. Looking back now, I actually feel bad because the possibility that we needed to go gluten-free had been suggested to us about 10 months previous. I did a brief 6-week phase of wheat-free once a few years back (gluten-free is even more restrictive than wheat-free) and I spent 10 months clinging to the hope that we wouldn't have to go this route. However, when we hit early December, I was ready to try ANYTHING. I have a lot of newfound empathy for people that try bizarre-sounding medical and naturopathic treatments for conditions that are not responding to traditional medicine, as I've now been there!! If someone had told us to soak Jennica for three days in a mixture of red wine and cat poop, I might have been willing to do it at that point!!!

So I jumped into the gluten-free thing with gusto. Fortunately, small gains were seen almost instantly, which encouraged me to keep going. I cooked, baked, fried, experimented, cooked, baked, fried, and experimented some more. I am SO grateful to the thousands of families across the country that are linked by computers and are living this daily life to help our children. There are bazillions of recipes out there, and millions of ways to create virtually every standard dish in a gluten-free/casein-free/egg-free form.

Now that we've been gluten free for 100+ days, I've hit my stride. I've found the things that work for us, and have definitely found some things that don't. Jennica will eat some things that even our dogs won't touch. (GFCF mac-and-cheese does NOT resemble what you and I think of as mac-and-cheese, but she loves it, so.....what the heck!!) We've found GF pretzels that are better than Rold Gold. And, best of all, I've learned to CHEAT. No more hours in the kitchen. BETH IS BACK! And Martha Stewart can kiss my gluten-free fanny!!! Heh heh heh. I still have some things to perfect, but for the most part, I'm happy with our current menu of meals. Jen has a broad variety of things that work for lunches and dinners and snacks. Breakfast is still, by far, the toughest. But, bless their cotton-pickin' hearts (wiping a tear here), General Mills has announced that on top of their already-gluten-free rice chex, they are releasing several more GF cereals soon. Let's just hope that the average normal grocery store carries them! Driving 146 miles for Glutino-brand pretzels is a little ridiculous!

Is it rude to torch the apron the kids bought me?

The so-true-that-its-funny gluten-free life!

Okay......Nobody "normal" is going to probably get the rolling-on-the-floor-crying-because-it-is-so-true-that-its-funny humor in this blog, but I'm posting it anyway. These are true-to-life examples of living in gluten-free! (I hijacked this, by the way! All credit to the original author, whoever they are!)

And a note from me: After 90 days gluten-free/casein-free/egg-free with Jennica, I honestly will read labels until the cows come home. Even with approaching it hoping for positive results, I never honestly believed that we would see the astonishing results that we have! She still has bad days........but has improved dramatically and is still improving. For the medical professionals out there that continue to mislead families with neuro-challenged children by telling them that "that diet thing" won't work so don't bother, SHAME ON YOU!!! I have witnessed the living proof!


YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A GLUTEN-FREE DIET:
if you don't remember what crackers are supposed to taste like.
if you actually have nightmares about reading labels.
if you compare all of your food to "normal-people-food."
if you cry when you discover a new way to make gluten-free bread. And call all your relatives.
if you know that Xantham Gum is not for chewing.
if you don't lick stamps.
if your mother is afraid to do the cooking.
if you know that spelt is a distant cousin of wheat, but buckwheat is not related to wheat at all.
if the construction workers working on the house next door to you can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.
if you burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words "gluten free" stamped on the corner of the Nestle hot cocoa mix.
if you actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.
if you forget to buy bun, rolls, bread, ect. at the store for all the gluten eaters of your family.
if you sold your house to buy groceries.
if you sold your first child to buy groceries.
if you can find "hidden gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye.
if you've actually suggested cardboard for dinner.
if you've actually eaten cardboard for dinner.
if you wept the first time you tried to make gluten free sugar cookies.
if you accept that fact that cardboard probably taste better than gluten free sugar cookies anyway.
if you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.
if you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
if you've "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.
if you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.
if it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is
ruined.
if you've ever had to take out a loan to pay the grocery bill.
if you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste like
sawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.
if your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out PlayDoh.
if your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.
if one of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies".
if you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck
if you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.

Mission Accomplished!

Typical to kids with sensory processing issues, Jennica has always had an issue with instant gratification. In the past, not-so-helpful-but-well-meant suggestions for her behavior have included developing various reward systems for positive behaviors that would allow her to "earn" something over time. It always sounded great, but there was just absolutely NO way to put it into practice. She couldn't grasp the basic concept of if-and-then statements, much less some sort of delayed reward. Once again, it was horribly confusing to us with a limited understanding of SPD, as we knew that this was not a child with a cognitive delay. Why did things have to be instant, or not at all?

With increased understanding on our part of her specific brand of SPD, and the vast improvements in her reasoning skills over the past few months due to therapy and dietary changes, we decided a month ago to attempt something that would have been unthinkable as recently as November. We decided to try a reward system to EARN something.

First, I talked to her one day as to whether she could think of something that she would really really really like to have. The instant and emphatic answer? A flamingo. Here is the non-cognitive-delay part........she had seen a stuffed flamingo in a store over a year ago and I refused to buy it for her that day. She has brought it up off and on since, but it has never been a priority when she was asked for birthday or Christmas gifts, and I just never realized how much she really wanted it. Obviously, she never forgot it!!

So.....I found a stuffed flamingo online, and asked if that one was what she was looking for. She was ecstatic and said that was exactly what she wanted. I printed the picture, and made her a little poster, with exactly 60 circle drawn on it, representing the 60 quarters she would need to earn to buy this flamingo. (The flamingo was $15.00. This exercise was not just about patting her on the head with a reward, and I wanted to make it as realistic as possible where she was understanding the work involved in actually earning something SHE wanted.) We made up a bunch of paper quarters with velcro on the back, and each day since then, she has earned quarters for certain things that are normally difficult for her. She usually gets a quarter for eating a good breakfast each morning. While this might seem silly to someone else, she doesn't particularly like her GFCFEF breakfast options and we were REALLY battling getting decent morning food in her. This was becoming a big problem, as her blood sugar is very low in the morning and she's a total beast if she doesn't eat some complex carbohydrates at that time. She also earns a quarter when her entire hefty dose of supplements is gone. And she earns a quarter for various other random things that she did willingly rather than fighting us. Much to our amazement, this time it WORKED!!! In fact, it worked GREAT! She has TOTALLY been with the program. She has counted the quarters she had, and counted the quarters she had left to go to her flamingo. It has been a RAGING SUCCESS!!!

And tonight, at last, she earned quarter #60. Unknown to her, I had purchased the flamingo already and had it hidden on our closet shelf. She was SO THRILLED to get her flamingo. She instantly named it "Bisketti." Not sure where that came from, but whatever works. She can call it "Pink Elephant" for all I care. I'm just so thrilled to see her begin to put the crucial piece of life-functioning into place.

Not sure yet what the next reward she will choose is going to be, but this is definitely worth repeating!!! See the photo of Jennica with Bisketti above!

St. Patrick's Day Luck

Last weekend, Mike and I spent an evening with the "Crazy Eight," which is our group of friends that we play poker with, travel with, and a whole host of other things. We always have a great time, and we have developed a great and supportive friendship where everyone is accepted for themselves. We are all so amazingly diverse in some ways, and all so much alike in others. In any case, I'm grateful to have these great people in our lives!!

And this past weekend, the other 7 were kind enough to donate their cash (through Texas Hold 'Em)to ME. MWAHH-ha-haaaaa. See photo of me with my masked leprechaun. I'm smiling "normally" because I had no that he had donned the St. Patrick's Day hat and bandana for the photo. :)

Tiersten the Thespian

At the first of each month, I give our Day Care a monthly schedule of when girls will be there and not, based upon our family schedule and my work schedule over all. Of course, things always change a bit, but for the most part, I do a pretty good job of planning this way and I mentally do best if I'm able to keep my life planned out about 3-4 weeks in advance. (Yes.......I can say it. "My name is Beth and I'm a control freak.")

Well........this month I missed a HUGE event. Despite the fact that this is scheduled months in advance, I totally missed it on all the school calendars. So.....I thought I had my vacation schedule planned day-by-day, doctor's appointments lined out, a ride for Tiersten to ballet for the day that we would be returning from a doctor when she needed to be there, Day Care alerted when the girls would be arriving on the bus there due to a meeting I had scheduled.....details, details, details. I was SO congratulating myself on how organized I am.

Well......Missoula Children's Theater descended upon Raymond Elementary this week and, of course, Tiersten wanted to try out for a part. I LOVE MISSOULA!! If you are not familiar with MCT, you need to google them and check them out. They have been coming to our school for about 10 years and always do a FANTASTIC job. Both of the boys have participated in years past. Missoula is the greatest answer in the world for small schools that would like to attempt to expose young children to drama, but are going to struggle with the logistics of costumes, set, staging, directing and all the other endless details. Google Missoula Children's Theater and you'll understand their mission and purpose.........They're the BEST!

So again, Tiersten wanted to try out. It was NOT on my schedule and promised to turn my carefully planned week a bit topsy-turvy. But, then again, Tiersten loves this type of thing and we felt that this would be something special just for her to really enjoy. She got a part! And was SO excited to inform me at the end of the audition that she was a chameleon. And then I told her that a chameleon is a lizard, which did NOT thrill her. She got over it......And then she got upset again when she found out that she was the shortest person in the entire play, which meant that she had to come onstage as the very last chameleon. Ah.....the challenges of being not-quite-six.

After a whirlwind week of practice, today was their first performance. Did I mention taht this is a MUSICAL and that it was cast this past MONDAY??? I honestly don't know how Missoula does it!!! Every year I watch in awe as 50 children dance and sing their way through a one-hour performance with 4 days of practice!! Its truly a FANTASTIC experience.

Tiersten's final performance is tomorrow, and then life will resume as normal on Sunday. Missoula Children's Theater will drive away with the scripts, scenery, set, costumes, make-up, and their two staff members to their next week's location, all packed into a little red truck. What a terrific experience!!! Tiersten has had a blast!

Second verse......same as the first.......

Somehow, I had a mental picture that two weeks of un-appraising was going to give me time to re-organize, attend our doctor's appointments, do some computer updating, and a whole host of other things. I mean......TWO whole weeks!! It hasn't quite turned out that way and, ready or not, its time to add my career back into the schedule.

I can honestly say that, at this point, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to accomplish the things that now need to be done on a weekly/daily basis, and still have time to appraise. But the other option (no $$$) isn't acceptable either. I've never been in this position before. Every working Mom has to make some time management decisions at some time or other, but I've never been in a position that no matter HOW I managed my time, I still came up short. I've always been able to adjust something to somewhere else, prioritize a little here or there, and still make sure that everything got done. Now, short of living entirely without sleep, I keep coming up short on hours in the day. Obviously, it will work out one way or another, but it's going to be a challenge.

Both boys are happily buried up to their eyeballs in track & field. Personally, the thought of spending two+ hours each day trying to heave a metal ball into a sandpit farther than you did the last time, run faster around a circle than the time before, or catapulting yourself as high as possible into the air with a piece of pipe are not appealing to me. But I'm glad that they are able to knock themselves out enjoying these activities. Whatever works and I can appreciate the satisfaction that it obviously brings to them.

Tiersten landed herself a part in a play this week, and had her first performance this afternoon. More on this later.......

And Jennica has put almost 900 miles already this month in the suburban. I feel bad for her, as this is nobody's idea of a good time, but we needed to cross some final bridges before finalizing our current course of action for her SPD. We are now offically buried in a twice daily vision therapy program, once daily auditory therapy program, on top of the occupational therapy that is formally done once per week, and informally done 24/7. The neurology-head-honcho-guru has placed his blessing on our path, and has looked at us frankly and said that we are dotting every "i", crossing every "t" and leaving no stone un-turned. The doctor's appointments will now drastically decrease for her, other than the weekly OT, as the "deciding what to do" phase ends and the "doing it" phase progresses. The planning is over, and the real work now begins. And in the past 90 days, Mike and I have become experts in food allergy testing, vitamin/mineral supplements, applied behavioral therapies, metal toxins, rashes, visual processing, auditory processing, insurance coverage, and the lack of insurance coverage. We are pharmacists, chefs, therapists, psychologists, disciplinarians, coordinators, and.......oh yeah....parents. And in the next 60 days, we have to get very knowledgeable about the educational system and how we're going to approach it for a diagnosis that is known to exist, but won't be an officially-recognized medical diagnosis in the DSM until 2012. In other words, we have to convince the educational system to functionally support our daughter's educational needs based on functional need only, because her medical diagnosis will not be a legally-accepted diagnosis for another 3 years. Fortunately, this isn't a huge deal or unheard of. There are a lot of kids in the school systems that receive some additional help without a diagnosis, but you have to word it correctly and know the lingo. Its a little bit odd to be dealing, not only with an unofficial diagnosis, but with a diagnosis for which there is no Ronald McDonald House, no telethon, no insurance payments, and almost complete disarray in the medical community as to what they're going to do with these kids. The community of neuro-developmental disorders, which include ADHD, SPD, ODD, OCD, and Autism, are absolutely exploding with children. And yet, there is still little support except from within the community itself of families who carry the common thread of knowledge growing out of the day to day trial and error of dealing with these beautiful children living in a brain that processes differently than "normal". Whatever normal is.

And so I find myself at a point in life where I'm not sure where my path is leading. At the end of this two weeks, I feel more lost than I did before it. How do you ever know.......REALLY know........that you're making the right decisions and spending your time in the most productive way? Both for yourself, and for everyone around you?

I just posted a sign in our house that maybe best sums up the way I'm trying to live my life right now. It says: "Life itself is not the destination; it is the journey." One day at a time........

The lavender dress

Jennica and I dropped by Fred Meyer yesterday after therapy. They carry her very favorite gluten-free pretzels, so we stop there pretty much every week to refill the stockpile. Its usually a pretty in-and-out sort of trip, but this week, I'm on vacation, right? So we wandered deeper into the bowels of Fred Meyer.

Of course, we ended up in the little girl's clothing section. Both the girls are growing like weeds, and since Jennica has decided that she is no longer willing to wear jeans (long story), they're both short on pants at the moment. While I was checking out the clearance rack, Jen became buried in a rack of frilly Easter dresses.

The first dress she brought to me was about a Size 14, and was a red-and-white floral print. "Mommy.....can I get this dress? Please??? Please please please? Isn't it be-YOO-ti-ful?? Please please please?"

I convinced her that it was way too big for her, and was pleasantly surprised when she drug it behind her (literally) back to the rack and hung it up. Hmmm. She does't even do that at home.

Pretty soon, she came back with a very frilly solid lavender dress in a gauzy chiffon-type material. Brown eyes wide.....she LOVED this dress. "Mommy...."

I said, "No, Jen," before the begging even started. It was about a Size 10, and I just wasn't in the mood to buy Easter dresses.

She gave me quite a spiel, and in a detached way, it was fun to listen to her blossoming vocabulary as she stated every redeeming quality she could think of about buying this dress. When she was done, I very gently said, "Maybe another day. We're not shopping for dresses today. Can you put it back and then come look at pants with me?" I promptly turned my back on her as an attempt to end the conversation.

Pretty soon, I heard a little voice again, "Mom." I turned back around and she was WEARING the lavender dress over her leggings and t-shirt. She had actually taken it off the hanger and pulled it on right over her clothes. Funny as she looked, my sense of humor pretty much escaped me at that moment. I know I was hissing, "Jennica.Angelie.Take.that.dress.off."

"First, I want to see if it twirls." And she proceeded to spin around, right there in the clearance aisle, to see if the dress would spin.

And then, much to my amazement again, she took the dress off voluntarily, helped me put it back on the hanger, and we hung it up and moved on. No temper tantrum. No fit. No meltdown......"I WAAAAAAAANTTTTTT the dress!!!!" None of that. Once again, hmph. Progress.

I really wished I had taken a picture of her in that dress with my cell phone. She did look SO cute. But don't tell her I said that.

Sensory-seeking vs. sensory-defensive

Okay......I've mentioned on here a few times that I was going to get around to explaining the ins-and-outs of SPD a bit more. Many of you "regulars" here have asked some great questions and, to be perfectly honest, most of you are already far ahead of the average population if you know that SPD stands for Sensory Processing Disorder. So in a hugely-simplified format, here goes.....

Sensory Processing Disorder is exactly what the name says--a glitch in sensory input and how it is processed by the brain, to such a degree that it makes overall life functioning difficult.(Remember.....we all have sensory issues to some degree. Our ability to cope and function is the key.) But there are about a gazillion ways that SPD can manifest, and it is very individualized.

There are two basic extremes to SPD. Sensory-seeking is on the one end, while sensory-defensive is on the other. An individual that tends to be sensory-seeking is one that generally has a diminished sensitivity to input, and therefore, increases activity and sensory input in order to "sense" it fully. (I know....read that sentence about five times and maybe it will make sense. No pun intended.) These tend to be your kids on the playground that are always wanting the swing to be pushed higher, they want the TV louder, they dance on the dining room table, they run around in the rain with no coat on, they dig into finger paints with gusto...always seeking MORE input.

Sensory-defensive is the other end of SPD. These are the kids that tend to hide under tables in noisy classrooms, tend to be clingy, can't stand tags in their clothing, cover their ears from loud noises, don't want their hands dirty, and sometimes don't even like to be touched or hugged by parents (even in infancy). These children are consider to be very sensitive, obviously, and don't want strong input.

Now.......a huge portion of SPD kids fall in between the two ends of the scale. In fact, many of them will send "mixed signals" which creates total havoc with diagnosis if you're not working with someone that understands how the brain reads sensory information. Sensory-seekers are often poor at judging when enough is enough, so they overload themselves with too much high-end activity and end up under a table somewhere with their ears covered trying to regain some balance, which looks like a sensory-defensive kid, right? And a child that can typically be sensory-seeking might be sensory-seeking in virtually every manner.....except that they have a tactile issue on their hands and can't deal with weird/slimy/sticky substances. Once again, if they are evaluated on a limited basis, they will appear to be sensory-defensive.

Once again, this is an extremely simplified version of SPD, but might give a little bit of insight into the basic degrees of what SPD can look like. Jennica tends to fall on the sensory-seeking side of the scale, but this varies from day to day, and is affected by a ton of outside influences. And, of course, now we know it is also highly affected by her diet.

And as you read this, keep in mind that I didn't touch on any factors of what auditory-processing disorder, visual-processing disorder, or any of those subsets look like. Overwhelmed yet?

New photos of the gang

I'm just posting new photos of the kids!!! Both boys are in the process of transitioning from wrestling and basketball and into track season. I am so proud of their academic and athletic accomplishments--all while helping out here at home with whatever needs doing at the moment. Tiersten is also academically ahead of her class, loving ballet, and she probably has the toughest road right now, since so much of our attention is focused on getting Jennica's therapy schedules and diet stabilized. It's really not fair that she sometimes has to fend for herself a little more than she would otherwise, but all families with special needs children deal with constant issues of time and balance. Particularly during the "high-focus" times of trying to find routine. And then, last but not least, is Jen. I should have posted the photo of her glaring at the camera. :)

To all four of you: I'm so proud to be your Mom!!!

Mistake on top of mistake

Okay.......I blogged yesterday about Jennica's consumption of a bagel on Friday morning. A regular bagel. Full of gluten. And the following rash and beastly behavior. Due to the rash, she licked her lips all weekend, which resulted in chapped skin around her mouth. Lovely.

Anyway, since chapped lips are generally rather slow to heal and they really DO look nasty and she's been picking at them a bit and I really don't want them to turn into a bloody mess.......last night at bedtime I put some carmex on her. Due to the sensory feel of stuff on her lips, she doesn't tolerate it well, so she didn't end up with very much. And part of it ended up more on her left cheek than on her lips.

This morning, she woke up with her lips and mouth area covered in little red dots. Sigh. I went back and double-checked the little carmex container and there is nothing specifically there that is known to me to be a gluten-containing substance but, obviously, SOMETHING in the carmex kicked off a reaction. She's out of school this week anyway due to some teacher training and basketball tournament, so she's just been hanging out here with me all day.

Sigh..........some days this truly is exhausting. Even when I THINK I know what I'm doing, we find out a different ingredient that doesn't suggest gluten, but DOES contain gluten. (Like caramel color, or EDTA, or everything in the world that is rolled in gluten but not required by the FDA to disclose it....like raisins). The cosmetics products are truly a nightmare. We've switched her over to gluten-free/casein-free soap and shampoo, etc. but she really needs to be using GFCF soaps at school/day care also. We haven't even started that battle yet, and I'm not sure we will. Is it really realistic to expect her teachers to follow her around THAT closely all day to make sure she is using soap we have provided? Maybe I'll change my mind at some point, but at the moment, that sounds incredibly invasive to me. Talk about being "the nightmare parent"........

So I guess carmex is off our list.

Some answers for ME...

I don't talk a lot about myself here on this blog. Most of my life centers around my family and their activities, or the appraisal business. As a typical Mom, I tend to measure my success based upon them, rather than my personal achievements. I always kind of figure that "my time" will come again when the kids are gone. Until then.....my family is my priority.

With that said, I will admit that in the past year (particularly in the past 3-4 months), through Jennica's trials and tribulations, I've gained a lot of knowledge about nutritional impacts on the general health of the human body. I took a nutritional course in college, and I thought I had a pretty good understanding before now of how important nutrition can be. However, I wasn't living it and I didn't truly understand the ramifications of foods and vitamin and mineral deficiencies upon everything we do. In fact, I admit to be totally and completely annoyed in the past by people that "preach" naturopathic treatments. I wasn't against naturopathic medicine in any way. I just didn't necessarily embrace it. In some cases, I still don't. But through Jennica, I'm becoming a believer in "integrative medicine," where conventional doctors work side-by-side with naturopaths, therapists, and nutritionists to develop "whole body" plans for their patients.

Well......in reading about nutritional treatments for children with neuro-developmental disorders and becoming aware of the depths of success far beyond conventional medical treatments for the same conditions, I started seeing and noticing things in my own life that I had refused to recognize before now. For example, my exhaustion, that I had simply chalked up to having four active kids and being self-employed with little time for relief from our wild schedule. My joint pain, which comes and goes but seems to be worsening over time. Could it all possibly be tied to my diet? Could I be allergic to foods, just like Jen? Could I have vitamin/mineral deficiences that were causing my symptoms? I decided that I wanted to know.

So I found a really great naturopath, in the process of looking for a new naturopath for Jennica. She's easy to talk to, she's funny, and she instantly grasped what I wanted to accomplish. A whole bunch of blood later, I got my results. Today.

I'm wildly allergic to everything under the sun that is related to dairy foods. Yogurt/cheese/whey/casein/milk/lactose.........that whole entire food family. AND I'm horribly allergic to cane sugar (which is going to be the real killer for me). I'm also suffering from a really severe B12 deficiency, and a pretty standard deficiency of Vitamin D. Otherwise, I'm actually a VERY healthy person.

So, believe it or not, I actually learned today how to give myself Vitamin B12 shots. I've given shots to dogs and horses for years, so it doesn't really bug me, but its still a little weird to give myself shots. The dairy and sugar will have to be eliminated from my diet. Totally. I might have to have a grieving period for pizza. And don't give me any BS about "cheese-less pizza". Pizza without cheese is NOT pizza. Just let me grieve......

But my new friend and doctor is pretty convinced that my joint pain and exhaustion is all treatable with correcting my diet and re-building my vitamin deficiencies. All in all, I got off rather easy. I still get to eat chocolate. And very shortly, I should be bouncing off the walls with newfound energy. I'll keep you posted....

I QUIT.......temporarily.........

This past week turned into an appraisal-marathon with one goal in mind.......to get all pending reports out by the end of the business day on Friday. (I almost made it.....I had to take a break for a change-of-sports meeting at the school at 6:00, and then hit the computer again and completed the last one about 9:00 pm.) The reason this goal was so crucial is that I am now officially on vacation! For two whole weeks!!! WAHOO!!!!

I came to the realization about 3 weeks ago that I was running myself into the ground. Physically and mentally........I was on "empty". So, rather than just feel sorry for myself, I decided that it was time to make some decisions about resolving some issues. The answer was to take a lengthy vacation in early March, and do some really creative scheduling to maximize the time away from appraisals and still accomplish something productive. Hence, we have five doctors appointments scheduled for Jen in the next 10 days. Part of the appointments being done like this is just sheer coincidence that some of the specialists we've been trying to schedule just happened to fall into place in early March. And the other part was deliberate since I'm going to be off. I also am going to spend some leisurely time working on computer data exports and spreadsheets to prepare for some appraisal regualations that are set to change on April 1st. (Ah.......the joys of working in a declining economy where all the major players are placing the blame on someone else.)

Of course, I didn't exactly anticipate that Jennica was going to scale the kitchen walls on Friday while I was in the shower to feed a craving for a gluten-filled bagel. She is usually so incredibly good about respecting her dietary limits that this was totally out of the blue. Despite catching her munching about halfway through, and immediately giving her digestive enzymes, which are supposed to help her digestive system in case of an "accidental" ingestion of an allergen.......within about 30 minutes her neck was covered in little red dots, which slowly spread up her face and turned her into a radish. I don't understand why we didn't see rashes BEFORE we removed gluten from her diet, as she was just as allergic then, but we sure see them now. She got through the day at day care okay......but the behavioral impacts were raging by Friday evening. After 2-3 weeks of really drastic improvement, we plummeted back to sensory dysfunction in a hurry. She has been raging and screaming ever since. This morning, she couldn't even tolerate the physical sensation of a hairbrush. This afternoon, she is tactile/vestibular sensory-seeking to the utmost. She's stripped down to the panties and running around the house enjoying the feel of the air on her skin, rolling on the floor, climbing to high places.......anything she can do to gain input. I honestly hadn't really noticed that her sensory-seeking behaviors had subsided until now! And, oddly enough, her outbursts of rage today have been followed by tears of remorse, which pulls at my heartstrings. Its AWFUL to hear her crying, "I'm so sorry, Mommy! I'm so sorry! I don't want to yell at you!" I can only chalk it up to the fact that, after a few weeks of feeling like the world was "right", it must be so hard to feel so out of control again. And all over ingesting some wheat flour from a bagel??!!?? Its mind-boggling!!! But we're living it!!!

So, out of necessity, the white board is back out to get through a simple meal. Visual reinforcement.....visual visual visual. She will improve, with a best prediction of about Monday evening or Tuesday morning. Until then, we bite our tongues and be patient. And try to remember that she's out of control, and she doesn't like it either. Punishment would be like punishing an alzheimer's patient for forgetting things.

I'm going to enjoy the next two weeks. To the fullest. I might even take a nap. Or two. Or three. And sit and drink hot chocolate. And maybe even turn on the TV. :)